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August 14, 2006, 6:51 am PDT
not a healthy way to live
Quote From: debruffI don't know what to do. I'm having some people from church over on Monday,& I've been spending the day doing some cleaning. In the dining room my husband had some cans of paint,drop cloth,etc,that he was going to use to paint the dining room with.The problem was thay have been sitting there for 3 years & he has yet to do any painting.Since I'm having some people over,I decided to move those items out to the garage.When I told him what I did,he was upset.I explained to him I was tired of them setting there for so long,I didn't want them there when my friends came over.He said if I moved them,he would move my things that were in his way.I asked him what things of mine were in his way,he said all my knick-knacs & pictures I have through out the house on walls & in corners.I told him I'm trying to make the house look nice & livable.He said thats your opinion.He said I had taken over the house & the only room he had was the computer room & the garage( both of which look junky too me)in the garage there's hardly any room to move around in I'm afraid if i left it up to him the whole house would look the same way.He said since i moved his stuff --paint cans drop cloth,he even had a thing that he used on th a/c unit outside with all the gauges attached to it in the entrance way(which I put in the garage after sitting by front door for 2 days)that he would move my stuff( knic knacs & pictures, things I've decorated the house with) I'm afraid I'm going to come home from work & they'll be gone.He doesn't work so he's home all day.He hasn't worked in over 2 yrs due to a disability( he had several surgeries on his back which left him in constant pain)I know he's frustrated that he can't do a whole lot I think that he gets this way is because he's frustrated that he can't do a whole lot & he sees me doing things he wishes he could still do.I think he's sort of jealous about that. But I'm worried that he'll take all the things I have around the house & put them somewhere where I can't find them.I'm afraid to go to work,because that's when I think he'll take everything off the walls & hide them Don't know what to do. This is no way to live!
You need to go to work- someone has to support your household.
Is there any way you can talk to your husband, in a reasonable, rational way, and let him know that you want the two of you to work together, not against one another?
He is really being unreasonable. Having paint cans and drop cloths, etc., sitting in the dining room for 3 years is different than having knick-knacks and other decorative items in the home.
If you feel that you can reason with him, then ask him what he would like to have you do regarding decorative items. If he doesn’t like the knick knacks, etc., then why didn’t he tell you that before- after all it is his home, too, so he needs to speak up and be honest- let him know that you don’t want to fight, you just want his honest opinion.
From what you describe, your husband is probably experiencing depression due to his disability. Has he ever had counseling to talk about his changed life? Because of these changes, your marriage would improve with therapy- if he isn’t willing to go, then you need to go for YOU. You can’t make him happy, he has to be willing to be happy. You can make YOU happy, and you shouldn’t allow him to hold happiness away from you. I wish you well!
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