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Replies to 'Living Together'
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August 21, 2006, 10:15 am PDT
 Quote From: debgirl27 i need some help with my present situation. i have been with my boyfriend 8 months and we live together. we already had our merging period where we fought like banchies for 2 months and weren't sure that we would make it. we both worked really hard to get through it and we succeeded coming out strong and knowing that we are both looking for marriage out of this relationship. We have done pretty much everything together that was done on the boot camp including 3 12hour trips where neither one of us knew how to get from a to b. if i do say so myself we have passed every test with flying colors i even said Dr. Phil would be proud of us. Anyways i only have one problem with him at this point and i need to know if its me or him. he looks at other women which i have explained really hurts me so he tries hard not to do it in front of me then last night im playing on his cell phone and find this video called bare brunettes as i'm watching it its more like a runway show because there is no skin. as im typing this im thinking that this sounds very silly, its not about the action though its about how it makes me feel. i feel soooooo worthless and like he could just trade me off on a better model. like im not enough for himor im ugly and fat cause i always compare myself to them. i dont look anything like the girls he looks at. he never takes time away from me to look at things i guess it must be at work and i dont really suffer attention but it makes me wonder if he really is attracted to me or if hes just using me for something. i am a very jealous person and i feel as though i cant breath when i see him watch other girls and the more i type the more i think this really is just me being overbearring if this is true then please help me with some advice to try to change it i've tried various things and run out of ideas. if not please let me know if you believe that this means he will become a cheater because so far i think he would rather pluck out his eye than cheat he even refuses to go to strip clubs with the guys cause he tells them that he would rather be at home with me. HELP ME please im losing my mind thank you Don’t lose your mind, girl. You are being jealous because of your own insecurity. Your boyfriend isn’t comparing you to the other girls, not at all- that video had nothing to do with you or what you look like. Do you think that he is only with you because of what you look like? If you do think that, then your relationship has problems, real problems. But I don’t think that is where you are going with this. There is a saying that goes like this, “we create what we fear..” So, think about that quote and apply it to your relationship. Because you are insecure with your own body and your own looks, that makes you think that your boyfriend couldn’t possibly ever be happy with you, and therefore, he downloads fashion videos to satisfy his need to look at nicer bodies. You are implying that he is looking at better bodies to find a better woman, and while he is waiting for that better woman, he is just passing the time with you. Now, does that make sense? I don’t know you, but from what you describe, that scenario doesn’t make sense. Why would he work so hard with you to work out the problems that the two of you went through? He wouldn’t have- he would have had the attitude that he can find someone better later, and he would dump you. The best thing that you can do for yourself, for your boyfriend, and for this relationship, is to start becoming secure with yourself. Look in the mirror and notice all that is positive and ignore what you don’t like/what you can do nothing about!! it’s the only way that you will become more confident in your body image. There has to be something about your boyfriend that isn’t absolutely perfect, right? But, you accept him the way he is. When he tells you he loves you for who you are, you need to start believing him- today! You both deserve to be happy, don’t resist it so much. |
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