I decided that wanting to live HAS to be an active decision that I HAVE to make every morning as I wake up. I am VERY good at feeling sorry for myself & blaming (or making excuses for) my present behaviour and mindset on things that have happened in my past & the turns my life has took. So what I`ve been trying to do for the last few weeks is: STAY IN THE PRESENT & BE VERY AWARE. It might sound a bit patronising (Well, that is what I used to think!lol), but if you try and do it with the right attitude (mindset) it sorta works some of the time. Funny hey! Look, I still get lots of emotions ect, that I`ve got to deal with, but as I always say: "So far so good". I am trying not to dwell too much on the past. It is just my nightmare that I can not control at all, and that really sucks! And I am trying not too worry about the future.......easier said than done, lol! Yet, I find that if I try hard enough there is at least hope, for in the process I become more aware of the few good things still left in this world. (Take for instance this site. Might sound stupid, but u guys are here, and yes, I look forward to comming online. It is someting small, but it makes me smile, and everytime I smile I feel happier, and at the same time I can then try to pass on that smile to someone else!)
Ok, now I feel WAY too vulnerable!
