Replies to 'Self Image'

my whole life i have taken care of my mom.......  i never had anyone to hold me.......  my mom is a very sick person and i don't just mean physically........  i never cried or anything and that does affect a lot and it does affect panic and anxiety attacks........  because we have a natural longing that we have learned not to notice, because we don't feel we deserve it and it is unfamilar, and that longing is to be held.........  to have someone show us that we mattter and that we're worth something........  it's a natural thing......  it's part of the process of life........  you know your dad isn't your responsibilty at all!!!  your sister is someone you should be there for but she isn't your responsibilty either!!!  I know what it is like to have one parent blaim it all on the other............  i can relate to you a lot........  there is one thing that i missed out on that you are younge enough for still and that is to break free from all that doesn't belong to you and all you don't deserve and go out and be a child like you do deserve.......  laugh and play...............  you deserve those things........  you know being with your friends and doing all that may not seem like it can fix things and it won't not right away .........  but by going out and doing the things you should be able to do....... by not thinking your father is your responsibilty and all the other things you have weighing on you well that is taking your life and that my friend will make the biggest difference ever............  i never did that......  i never took my life back.......  i've lived my whole life hating myself, never thinking i desreved anything, and so much more......... i wanted so bad to see my mom happy but nothing i can ever do will make her happy nothing i will ever do can make her change what she has become.........  but something i can do will make me happy one day and something i can do will change what life has tried to shape me to be and that is like my mother........ but you know what i realized i didn't want to be like her when i was a little girl and i strived adn strived doing all i could to be more then she is...........  well, i held myself back with all the things i struggled with and still am battleling right now.........  but guess what at the end of it all there is a hope........  each day i have to tell myself that....... each day i have to tell myself the things i don't believe about me.........  it's sooooo hard.......  but know that it's not right and you can take control of this before you feel you have to find something else to give you a since of control!!  learn to love you and be there for yourself!!  you don't have anyone to really be there for you, your mom yells at you and puts a lot on you, your dad wants you to be his parent, and your being a mother to your sister and you don't feel you have a life or that you ever will but what you need to do right now is take care of you!!!!  you!!! you!!!!  your who matters........ that's not being selfish it's claiming the life that has been stolen from you..........  i didn't see it then i dindn't realize what was going on i thought it was all normal i thought i was suppose to take care of my mom and that's the way it was suppose to be and i was wrong................  i didn't know any differnt or any better...........  fight for you!!!!