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Replies to 'Cheated On'
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August 31, 2006, 10:24 am PDT
 Quote From: ebeadit1 Your husband is still seeing this other woman if he is having ambivalence about your marriage. It is important for you to find out that he is seeing her and confront him. It will hurt to know but that is better than this torment of not knowing where you stand with him. When you do expose the affair be calm (don't show your anger). I would give him an ultimatum. He must stop seeing this woman if he wants to be with you. If he denies the affair present the evidence. Make it clear that in order to have a successful marriage he cannot see and have a loving relatinship with 2 women. If he refuses to stop seeing her then you have to separate from him. He is in love with this other woman and you too. He is confused about his feelings for you and her. You need to remove yourself from his life for a while until this affair ends a slow death. THey always do. Then he will see what a fool he was and will come back to you free from the affair. I urge you to go to marriagebuilders.com Dr Williard Harley is a very successful psychologist and he has a 90% salvage rate for saving marriages and couples from infidelity. So I urge you to go to his site. He offers therapy, Courses and many different books to help you and your husband get back to the romantic love you felt for each other when you were first married. The key to a romantic and loving marriage is meeting each others emotional intimate needs. Here are the 10 key intimate emotional needs 1. sexual fulfillment 2.admiration 3 affection 4 recreational companionship (doing activities together) 5.honesty and openness. 6.conversations 7. domestic support (taking care of the home) 8. Physical attractiveness 9. Family Commitment 10. financial support. These are the key components that allows couples to fall in love and stay deeply in love with each other. So visit this website. He has a radio talk show and you can call in and ask questions. He has been married for 43 years and he deeply still loves his wife. www.MARRIAGEBUILDERS.com I'm sorry but I disagree with you on some of what you posted on this reply and a few others. Since you do not know her husband and have not spoken to him implying that he is in love with her and this other woman is only a guess. Not all affairs end in a slow death, many people actually divorce their spouses and marry the other person and spend the next 50 years in marital bliss. How can you tell this woman that her husband will come running back to her after the affair? Ultimatiums are never a good thing, most people who are not ready can not carry them through! I realize that you have a background in marital issues but every situation is different, all people are different and somethimes you need to throw those text books out the window and take a different approach. I remember Dr. Phil said this on a few shows and it is so true. Sometimes killing a person with kindness will only make them run further away. People need to be themselves, they have to be accepted by others for who they are, not what the other person wants them to be. Some advice people really need is to just get into counseling and talk to a professional about what upcoming decision they need to make, about how they feel, about choices that need to be made etc. You are giving people advice which is wonderful but just remember - you can't guarantee anything and you don't know enough of their situations for them to be giving ultimatiums or leaving their spouses when they are just not at that point yet for whatever reasons. Give people your opinions but please do not tell them what to do - not everybody on these boards posting messages needs to hear that their spouse loves somebody else and that he will come back if you try this, it just isn't true. |
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September 5, 2006, 9:25 pm PDT
Quote From: ebeadit1 Your husband is still seeing this other woman if he is having ambivalence about your marriage. It is important for you to find out that he is seeing her and confront him. It will hurt to know but that is better than this torment of not knowing where you stand with him. When you do expose the affair be calm (don't show your anger). I would give him an ultimatum. He must stop seeing this woman if he wants to be with you. If he denies the affair present the evidence. Make it clear that in order to have a successful marriage he cannot see and have a loving relatinship with 2 women. If he refuses to stop seeing her then you have to separate from him. He is in love with this other woman and you too. He is confused about his feelings for you and her. You need to remove yourself from his life for a while until this affair ends a slow death. THey always do. Then he will see what a fool he was and will come back to you free from the affair. I urge you to go to marriagebuilders.com Dr Williard Harley is a very successful psychologist and he has a 90% salvage rate for saving marriages and couples from infidelity. So I urge you to go to his site. He offers therapy, Courses and many different books to help you and your husband get back to the romantic love you felt for each other when you were first married. The key to a romantic and loving marriage is meeting each others emotional intimate needs. Here are the 10 key intimate emotional needs 1. sexual fulfillment 2.admiration 3 affection 4 recreational companionship (doing activities together) 5.honesty and openness. 6.conversations 7. domestic support (taking care of the home) 8. Physical attractiveness 9. Family Commitment 10. financial support. These are the key components that allows couples to fall in love and stay deeply in love with each other. So visit this website. He has a radio talk show and you can call in and ask questions. He has been married for 43 years and he deeply still loves his wife. www.MARRIAGEBUILDERS.com I'm wondering where GOD, FAITH, PRAYER, and SPIRITUAL NOURISHMENT fit into this loooong list of "key components" of yours.
As I read these boards I see little or no emphasis regarding what all these couples do regarding sharing their faith. What did they do for eachother before, during, and after the affair to nurture eachother's spirit. Believe me.......nurturing one's spirit hasn't a thing to do with how 'attractive' a partner is.....or how much money they've got in the bank....and it's not about admiration, or sexual fulfillment either. (Admiration.....puhleeze.....there's far too much ego in the world already).
If this list is one that your friend.....(does he pay you for these advertisements?).......recommends then thanks anyway.......It is typical though. And I'm sure it appeals to many....after all who doesn't want sexual fulfillment, someone to gaze into their eyes and tell them how wonderful they are, someone to play ping pong with, someone to help clean the toilets, someone that's got a great bod, and someone that's loaded with cash in the bank...........Wow!! sounds great.......though, what happens when a spouse God forbid becomes wheelchair bound and can't perform sexually anymore, or clean the toilets, or hold a ping pong paddle, etc.? What happens then?? Dr? But see if this couple had been nourishing themselves through their faith and spirituality then it wouldn't be an issue.....the love would still be as strong.
So go do yourself a favor.......put down your self help manuals, turn off the radio dial, and say a prayer or two....even three. Make a connection with the true essence of you........your SPIRIT.
God Bless.....teresac |
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