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September 9, 2006, 9:47 am PDT
This is asecond edition of my reply to this woman. I apoplogize again! I just took more time here. Thank you for just posting this one if you can. Title "Hope this will help' instead of "ohh goood..."
Quote From: lindylandMy 30 year old daughter has 4 children (all born outside of marriage by different fathers) . I bought some property far from where we lived and she moved there to make a new start. She was pregnant when she moved, and only recently weaned her baby (2.5 years after the move) but within DAYS of weaning the baby she had hooked up with an ex-felon who has 2 babies by 2 different women (born 28 days apart). I suspect he, the man, suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome because he seems simple in many ways. My daughter moved him and one of his babies into the 6 bedroom house I built her. I told her I didn't want him living on my property so if she wanted to live with him she would have to move. He ended up moving out but he left the one baby behind with her and left her pregnant! She says they are still in love. To top off this whole Jerry Springer-like story, my 15 year old granddaughter has been acting out to such a point that she was cutting herself and choking herself. I offered to take her and Social Services backed me up so now she's living with me.
Wow.
Any advice? I sure don't want my grand daughter to go down the same path as her mother. I also recognize that I have limited power and rights to tell my adult daughter anything.
By the way, my other kids are normal, healthy, functioning, etc.
If I'm doing something wrong - tell me! And if I'm not and I just need to let go, some encouragement would be great.
Thanks. There are all "babies" if your daughter is 30?!!!
Now I come in peace to you with no judgement although your situation brings me to feeling very intensely that there is a huge lack of love coming from far away somewhere in the family.
Your daughter who throws herself, probably desperately or in "it just needs to happen or i'll die" type of thinking, or clicking, with a lot of passion into the arms of men who will make love to her... I grasp the state and would like to tell you more.
Ohhh my God, the other daughter, you are right to not want her to become the same as her mother. I also think that it would be better off sending her out, with your loving support, and friendship, to a creative educational place or a resource group or etc. where she would love to evolve within for awhile.
Now, your daughter, 30, 4 little lives at her knees, one other that comes from the ex infidelity, the one in her, God!... I definitely think she needs to answer intensely to an ultimatum you give her.
My suggestion and you are free to accept or not:
Either she cuts this guy loose, give his mistresse’s baby back to him and get rid of his stuff, TO START a project with you, your support, of building her self esteem back up and creating a very large RESOURCE GROUP involving, researching for therapists, teachers, psychologists, sport trainers, voice coach, a teacher in canada, me haha, etc. to not have it all on the mothers' shoulders. The mother needs maybe to be there, with limits though, that is what my intuition tells me. So it is either this project starts, like that and have the four kids in one structure no matter where they came from
or
Good bye and make it on your own, I am keeping your oldest daughter ( I presume here ) for education, re education.
And maybe you too would benefit from some help psychologically to go through this and understand all your self and more at a deeper level.
Please accept my sincere sympathy and infinite compassion.
Synthia Borilekic from Montreal
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