Replies to '03/21 When In-Laws Cross the Line'

Quote From: nic_usa

For as long as my husband and I have been married, my inlaws have made it perfectly clear that they belive that their son didn't make the "best choice" when he asked me to marry him.  I am older than him, was a single mother (in every sense of the word), and though I had a wonderful career (made nearly twice as he did), the belief was that I was looking for a father for my daughter and someone to take care of us.  For the first 5 years I tolerated the little comments here and the little comments there that I would overhear not only my husband's parents say, but eventually the extended family!  To me, I was secure in myself and our relationship to know  it was simply their personal opinion (ignorant as it was) and I refused to let it affect our marriage.  My husband is too good a guy to put him under that type of stress. HOWEVER, after not being around family for a couple of moths due to personal reasons, we decided together to share with his parents that I had been pregnant and lost the baby at approximately 15 weeks.  My father-in-laws comment was "That's the best thing that could have happened - you've done enough to my son.  That baby dying was the blessing." or something of the sort.  His mother said nothing.  My husband responded, "You don't mean that." to which my father-in-law responded, "Yes I do! You have enough responsibility and stress in your life taking care of her and her daughter, why would you add more."  I was overwhelmed with so many emotions that I couldn't t even express and I chose to say nothing (until we got into the car).  His father than said, "I'd never accept that child as my grandchild just like Alexandra (my daughter) will never really be our grandchild."  At that point I stood up and stated i was leaving.  As he continued to state his poin and enjoying haring his own voicet, I could not hold in the "Italian" in me, looked him straigt in the eyes and said, "You're dead to me.....(kissed my fingers and raised them upward and ended with), from my lips to God's ears!" and walked out.  Though it wasn't easy, my faith teaches forgiveness and though my husband needed a refresher course with our Pastor regarding marriage vows, I'm happy to say all was resolved with time.  Forgiving doesn't mean that the offender is right or you accept what they are sayiing, it just means that life is short and when it is not just about you, being able to forgive and move forward (in most cases) is the best thing to do for everyone involved.