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Replies to 'Communication'
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October 4, 2005, 10:29 pm PDT
 Quote From: emetica Wow that is exactly the same situation I am in at the moment. My partner and I have been together almost 2 years however, and his female friend is drug-dependant. It's a very hard situation to fix I know. It's caused me unbelievable anxiety and stress and has put a huge strain on our relationship.
Maybe the best thing would be to organise an outing with you, your partner and his other friend just so you can meet her and talk with her. Maybe get a better understanding of where she stands with your partner. I have tried this but have not been able to completely communicate with her because of her drug dependency.
My partner swears nothing is going on between him and his friend, and that he is only trying to help her sort her life out so that she doesn't get any worse or in the worst case, overdose. Your partner most likely is the same, just trying to help out. Although I know from experience that this is isn't much consolation.
If your relationship is as close as you say it is, and you haven't been together all that long, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. He is with you for a reason, and I am pretty sure that if you voiced your concerns, he will listen to you and try to sort something out.
Sorry I couldn't be of too much help, maybe someone else could offer something more? thank you for sharing your experience. I think what bothers me is that my needs are not being met so I try to control what he does . I feel he turns to others and will go out of his way to help distressed people. So if I am well he will not attend to our relationship whereas a relationship requires nurturing every day. I have told him that I felt I got his attention when I was not well and I did not want this. I have tried to bluntly speak my needs by saying : "I need this from you" , or "I need you to ..." but when it works, I have to put the dots so close together it almost becomes a line ! When it does not work he gets defensive. There are other issues like : MONEY he will spend thousands of $$ on his home renovations and on a brand new watch but he refuses to take us out for dinner or he wants us to share all expenses even though he makes more than twice as much as I do !!!! (I do not stay at his house ever; he stays over at my place a couple of times a week. His place is a slump and has been for the past 3 years. He is happy to live this way until the house is finished.) I feel although he can be generous and thoughtful he can also be extremely selfish. |
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