Replies to '03/21 When In-Laws Cross the Line'

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?