Quote From: danajomy feedback to your question is kind of hard to take, but I offer it
with my best intentions, and not to hurt you but to help you... If you
know your MIL is an alcoholic, why do you have her babysit for you or
rely on her for anything? Also, I see a lot of myself in you. I have
tried to control substance abusers in my family. YOu can't control them
or make them play by the rules. But you do have the right to set
boundaries that keep yourself and your children safe. And for me, that
has meant not welcoming them to my home anymore. But I don't do
it with the expectation that they will change now, so they can come
back. I do it because I don't want the behavior that goes with their
abuse in my personal space. But I did pick up in your words that
you are trying to get her to behave a certain way, and frankly, I just
don't think you can succeed in that.
First let me say thank you for your response. I would like to answer some of the questions that you had. My MIL has not watched my children since the end of December 2005. That is when I trully new the seriosness to her alcoholism. I am a person who will give a second chance to a person who has earned it. In 2006 I gave her 2 chances to get her act together in July is when enough was enough and she is no longer in my life or my children's. The reason I gave her 2 second chances was because I thought she was really trying. She has had 2 back surgerys in the last 2 years so has been off work for that long and right before her first surgery her husband of 34+ years left her. I thought the reason he left was only because of another women but in the past few months I have learned through him and my husband what the underlying reason was. My husband is a really quite man and at the beginning of this year I wasn't sure my husband grasped what I was telling him. i thought my MIL was actually going to be the demise of my marriage. This summer I have learned that she has been an alcoholic for most of my husbands life. I did not see until recently her being an alcoholic Heck I would drink with her occasionally. I guess in my head before this year I thought being an alcoholic meant that you were not functional for work or your family. Well she fooled me for years but now inlight to recent events her alcoholism doesn't fool me any longer. Yes you are right I thought I could control her behavior by keeping the grandchildren away from her. She is a southern women and by all means her boys and grandkids are the world to her and they would never do anything wrong in her eyes. So yes I was trying to control her at the start of this year but since the end of July I wrote her out of my childrens life and my own. As for my husband he still speaks with her but only when she calls to talk with him. I told her not to call our house or be anywhere near our street or I would do what ever it takes to get her to stop. I have had to change my locks switch my email addresses and will soon be switching my phone number because she just doesn't get it. So I'm trying. Since i have wrote her out of my life I have had more energy for my children and family. I am alot happier since i no longer let her consume my every moment and thought but occasionally she still slips into my mind because regardless my 8 year old son will not let me forget her altogether. He is why I question what I've done but at the same time he is the reason for my choices. I hate her for putting me in a position to explain things to my son. It has done emotional damage to him but I keep telling myself one day he will see and fully understand my reasons. Thank you again.
