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September 6, 2005, 1:08 pm PDT
I think the problem is you.
Quote From: karlamaeMy boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 years. He has a 13 year old son. For the upmost part, he is a good boy – he just doesn’t pick up after himself. I have led myself to believe this is probably in good part because of his mother doing every thing for him.
I have never really said much to him. It is hard to have conversations with him because I find he either just ignores me or mumbles a response. This has led me to stop trying to make conversation with him. I feel he is just uninterested in anything I have to say. I know that he doesn’t like me – he has told family members that he would like to see his father with someone else. I hate to ignore him. The only things that I find myself saying to him are: “yes, please, thanks, no problem”.
I am tired of hearing my boyfriend freak out at me for ignoring him. I tell him that the boy can talk to me too – conversation does go both ways. All he says is “you are the adult and he is the child”. Shouldn’t children be taught to make conversation? He says nothing to me, no hello or even a goodbye.
Is there any advice that someone can give to help me try to make this work? Now before you get angry with me, which is your right, hear me out. You've been with this guy for 9 years, and the son is 13. That means you've known the boy since he was 4 years old. If you haven't developed a good relationship with him by now, it's going to be rough going. I don't know why you never made an attempt, but you do say that you have never said much to him. Like Dr Phil tells us, you have taught him how to treat you. He probably thinks you don't like him and is avoiding you. If he gets in trouble for not conversing with you, that will just make it all the worse. If you remember what it's like to be a teenager, maybe you will understand what he's going through. It will be totally up to you as the adult to make the first move. I would start by telling him whatever it is you feel about him, that way there is no misconception in his mind that you hate him. Try telling him you want to be friends, and find some things you like to talk about together or do together. Don't get your hopes up, because he's right at that age where he is breaking away from parental involvement, and mothers in particular. But if you make some kind of sincere gesture to him, I think you will find he has been as miserable as you.
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