Replies to 'True Love'

You're welcome.  Glad to hear from you again.  I'm sorry however, to hear that there is still no intimacy or connection.  Sounds like that may never be there again, especially as you say d-day is getting close for you.  From all you have said here, I believe that would probably be a positive step for you to take. 

You have also asked a question about men and masturbation and I want to give you my take on that issue.  It absolutely can be what another poster told you - he is using it as a way to stay disconnected from you and not have to say I love you, or be intimate with you, especially if he is spending all or most of his sexual energy in this way as opposed to y'all having sex.  In fact, from what I know of him and your relationship - this sounds like a probable explanation of why your  husband masturbates.  Not all men (and women for that matter) use masturbation just as a means to avoid intimacy though.  Sometimes people simply prefer the quick, no pressure release of masturbation, because there is no pressure to ensure your partner is also pleasured.   There is an element of selfishness to that - but I don't think that is a bad thing - at least when it is an occasional thing and not what is used the majority of the time.  If however, it is used too often and the other partner isn't getting enough real sexual interaction - then there is most likely something deeper going on.  I would advise wives (and husbands) not to be threatened if your partner masturbates from time to time.  It doesn't mean they PREFER it to you - only that it is an option they may choose from time to time.  It can be kind of awkward to actually talk about, but I believe couples should discuss masturbation.  Set boundaries both are comfortable with (for instance, whether or not porn can be part of the process).  I will admit that I used to be very threatened about my husband masturbating - it made me feel inadequate.  Then I came to learn all of the things I have just said and understand how it can simply be one more facet of a healthy sex life. 

Best wishes to ya lotoco as you face d-day.  Let us know how you are doing, when you have time.  Take care, Roxy