Quote From: hobart7Hi. I am new on this so here goes. Ihave met this wonderful women that makes me feel complete. She was in an abusive relationship before we met ,and seems to be scared at the same time enjoys my company. The problem I feel there is is that she uses things I have told her from my past to not be close. I am not perfect by any means as a 44 year old male. We have spent time together when we could. She lives in another state, and time is important to us. I feel I love her, and tell her I want/need her. She is the perfect women to me ,and has the mind and looks that attract me to her. I really don't understand why she brings up those thigs t hat feels like she is stuck on them. I wonder if she is backing out or never was there? I don't know. We have shared some wonderful times together, and lots phone time to. (lots). I want her in my life ,and I want to love her. Can anyone help me with these feelings or am I just not getting it?
This woman has an emotional wall put up which she uses to protect herself from getting hurt again. She probably doesn't even know how to let people in. She is scared and needs to know that that wall she surrounds herself in doesn't work anyway. Sounds like she should be in therapy to get past her previous abuses and learn how to let that wall down. She will use your imperfect past as a means to protect herself and not get too close to you. I have a feeling that had you not even told her about your past, she would be incapable to get emotionally close to you anyway. She is afraid of taking risks, fears rejection and I'm sure this bothers her alot more than it bothers you. It's easier for her to talk on the phone and probably is a little more open with you than when you are face to face with her. Basically she is incapable at this time to give you what you want from her. I can say these things because I have been in her shoes. When I was dating I enjoyed the conversations and physical contact I had with my boyfriends but I didn't like compliments and when I felt people getting too close to me I backed off and couldn't return the emotions that were expected from me. I beat myself up all the time about my inability to show my feelings. It took me many years of therapy and I still struggle with intimacy and I've been married for 10 years! Bottom line is that she needs help and I don't know how close you are to suggest this to her but you will more than likely never get what you want from her emotionally until she does see a therapist.
P.S. I hope you are not telling her that she completes you , that is your own responsibility to yourself, you need to be a whole person with or without somebody in your life. It's too much of a burden and too much pressure on somebody else to complete another person.
