Quote From: marcia52Well, I know what my payoff is! And I learned it quite by accident.
BACKGROUND: Mysister was having the last of her reconstructive breast surgery on Friday and I was out shopping with my mom on Wednesday.
THE AHA MOMENT: I'm driving down the road heading to a store, my arm is feeling really hot because the weather is in the 90's. I make statement: I forgot to put my sunscreen on.
MOM: You are the most unhealthiest person I know.
I couldn't believe her words! It's not like I hadn't heard them before, cause she's been telling me this for years and years! It was a tape that she popped up with!
The thing is, other than my menopause &hyperthyroidism (which I blame on menopause) and being overweight, I don't have any other physical problems!
Later that day, I sat down and journaled the conversation and allowed myself to FEEL the emotions I was experiencing.
I felt SHAMED & EMBARRASSED that at 52 years old, I was the healthiest of 6 kids (and I'm the oldest). I couldn't believe that I kept myself FAT so that I could eventually get diabetes (like 2 sisters), or breathing problems (like my brother, mom, & dad), or have my gall bladder taken out or high pressure .. or any numerous illnesses thatfamily members currently have.
My payoff was: I couldn't fit the tape my mother & I lived with for so long. If was healthy and at my ideal weight, then I would be shameful!
I'm still dealing with that day. Funny thing is, that Friday when I took my sister & mom to get her prescriptions, my mom said it again! YOU ARE THE MOST UNHEALTHIEST PERSON I KNOW. My sister jumped laughing and told my mom what was she thinking! That I was the healthiest member of the family!
It's a really old script and yet, that little script/role that I have been playing for so very long as finally bought closure to my payoff!
There's no more excuses any more. My goal now is to lose 10 lbs by my birthday (10/29). I don't hear any more static - I gave myself 2 weeks to hear it and tackle it -- but nothing seems to be popping up other than -- well, I need to add a vigorous activity to my exercising and I need to work on adding veggies to my diet!
My payoff is the same, and I can learn from ladies like you, (I have not long turned 30).
It rather strange who so many mothers can say such easy/quick words that are so hurtful, my mother was alway they "It's a shame you've put on so much weight, you used to be so beautiful..."
Well I have my own daughter to protect and love now.. so I have to start learning how to look after myself... so that she can learn by example... After a few years of coping with depression and the weight being a factor, I now finally feel beautiful and am getting healthy.
