Replies to 'Teen Dating'
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September 15, 2005, 1:37 pm PDT
 Quote From: starjammir Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her. She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right). So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd). Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out. Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me. That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out. About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap. Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again. They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me. So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk. Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. Here is the kicker. She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to. Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date. What do I do? I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships. There is something about her. And leaving her is not an option. I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere. What do I do now? Thanks I read your post and just wanted to say that I think if you love this girl you would make it easier for her to get her education. Why not wait until she is done being homeschooled so she can at least have that. I know it will seem like forever, but a GED is nothing like having the real thing.
How easy would it be for you to convert to her religion? Go to church with them. tell them you will go every sunday and that will be the only time you see her until they feel you are serious about this. |
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October 3, 2005, 2:56 pm PDT
Quote From: starjammir Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her. She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right). So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd). Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out. Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me. That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out. About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap. Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again. They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me. So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk. Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. Here is the kicker. She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to. Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date. What do I do? I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships. There is something about her. And leaving her is not an option. I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere. What do I do now? Thanks Hi Starjammir, I hope you're still there. I think I told you wrong. Follow your heart dear one. To your own self be true. What else matters if you don't? Answer: Nothing. You are very young, but you can make it. Never doubt that. Never |
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October 10, 2005, 12:20 pm PDT
Quote From: starjammir Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her. She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right). So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd). Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out. Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me. That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out. About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap. Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again. They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me. So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk. Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. Here is the kicker. She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to. Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date. What do I do? I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships. There is something about her. And leaving her is not an option. I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere. What do I do now? Thanks Sometimes people of different religious denominations don’t understand the differences in what they believe – and unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t interested in finding out if those differences actually exist. It sounds like this is part of what’s happening in her family. (It is true that many Fundamentalist Baptists believe that Catholics are not “true” Christians – which is a shame, since that belief is untrue. Bottom line: only God knows your heart.)
There seems to be a deeper issue here, though – a power struggle between your girlfriend and her parents. (She’s trying to grow up and make some decisions on her own, and they won’t accept any decision she makes that differ from their opinions.) I can see both sides of your girlfriend’s situation – I have a 17-year-old daughter whom I love dearly and want to protect, but I’ve tried hard to not treat her the way my Mom treated me (my Mom was very controlling). It sounds like her parents mean well by wanting her to be close to God, but that they don’t seem to realize that those choices won’t mean anything to her (or to God!) unless she makes them on her own.
I applaud you in trying to understand and support your girlfriend. It sounds like you’re making sound choices in how you’re handling this. Just keep being supportive and try to not get “stuck” in the middle. Try to treat her parents with respect, even if you don’t agree with them. I don’t know where you are in your faith walk, but try to pray that your girlfriend’s parents will come to see God’s truth in all things. (Unfortunately, there are some things in life that only God can fix.) In the meantime, if you have questions about the differences and similarities about your beliefs, discuss them with your girlfriend. That way you’ll know if there are any real differences, and you’ll be better prepared (and able to answer respectfully) if her parents ever put you “on the spot.”
Hang in there, and do what you know in your heart is right. And for the record, not all Baptists are as narrow-minded as her parents seem to be – you just heard from one! :o)
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October 10, 2005, 9:20 pm PDT
Quote From: starjammir Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her. She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right). So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd). Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out. Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me. That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out. About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap. Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again. They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me. So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk. Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. Here is the kicker. She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to. Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date. What do I do? I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships. There is something about her. And leaving her is not an option. I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere. What do I do now? Thanks When I was 18 almost 19, I was a freshman at college and I met the man I thought I was going to spend eternity with. He was 21. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints(Mormon), and he was ELCA Lutheran. Just as your girlfriend's family, my religion teaches doctrine, principles, and standards, etc. that if you are not a member of the church you can not understand or participate in. The most important example of this is: As members of the church, we believe that families can be forever by being married and SEALED in the Temple. In order to do this, you must be a baptized, worthy member. Now you see the dilema I had. He was not a member. We spent just over 2 years together trying to figure out how we could be together with much heartache along the way. I was going against everything I had been taught about being worthy. I was more willing to learn (and LEAN) about his religion and chosen faith then he was about mine. I had been taught all my life to honor my parents, not to have sex before marriage, not to drink, not to co-habitate, to dress modestly and many other things and I was going against it all. What happened to end it all was that I had finally made the decision for myself that I truely believed what I had always been taught. That my religion and faith was the right and true way and that I couldn not go against that. IT was MY CHOICE. Not his, and not my parents. Right now your girlfriend is not an adult and still lives under her parents roof. I feel as if there is not much she can or should do in order to be with you. Once she is 18 AND she doesn't live with her parents it is HER choice what she wants to do. If you truely care about her and respect her, you will not ask her to go against her parents yet. But more importantly you will let her figure out what it is she truely belives as far as her faith and religion is concerned. A lot of religions believe too differently for two people to be able to be married and raise a family together. It's hard enough in today's world to have a successful marriage when both husband and wife believe and want the same things for family and so on. It will just be that much harder for you if you don't to begin with. I'm sorry if my message seems scattered. Your story struck a familiar chord with me. I do hope that all works out for you two as I know that all does work out the way it is supposed to and is meant to. |
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