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Replies to 'True Love'
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September 23, 2006, 7:44 am PDT
 Quote From: roxy_belle I can understand why you want to get started on a mortage - $850/mo to rent is quite alot to be paying when the money isn't an investment.
I am wondering if the marriage is healthy and happy, other than this issue of you wanting to buy a house and your husband not wanting to. I am just wondering that, because if he has some doubts about the future of your relationship, it may be possible he is putting off buying a home and the hassles that might create if y'all were not to stay married. I'm not trying to be negative, and have no idea if there is any truth to that idea - it just occurred to me as a possibility after reading your post.
How long have you been trying to persuade your husband about purchasing a home? I'm thinking there is really something more to why he doesn't want to - other than his concerns that y'all can't afford it - since, from what you say, he seems to get defensive when you try to talk about it. I'm not exactly sure how you can get him to tell you what his reason(s), other than finances, may be without seeming 'ungratefu' or bringing out his defensiveness. Maybe start a conversation just like that - "I'd like to talk about buying a house again. I am worried about bringing it up, because I don't want you to think I am not grateful for the life we already share. I am and I love you more than anything. It would mean so much to me if we could at least do some research together and find out if a mortgage would be a viable option for us. Is there something other than our finances that has you concerned about us buying a house? You can tell me whatever it is - I am ready with an open mind." You may have already used words like this - just giving you some ideas in case you haven't. The main thing will be to try to use words that won't cause him to be angry or defensive and let him know how much you care for him and that you have an open mind to listen to whatever he says. Also let him know you would like to have a paid for home by the time y'all reach retirement age (which I am guessing you want, by one of the things you said).
It sounds like y'all have been very responsible with your finances and credit - if all you have is a car payment (and of course regular utilities) and rent. If there isn't a large savings account to use for a down payment, there are options. My husband and I bought our home back in 95, using his veteran's status, to get a VA loan, so we had a minimal down payment. I believe FHA (Firsttime Homeowners Assoc, I think it stands for) works similarly.
Best wishes - I hope y'all are able to come to an agreement about this, one way or the other, that you will both be happy with. :) Roxy Thanks Roxy
I appreciate your input. To answer some of your questions...I plan on printing out what you suggested I say and use that.
I have been trying to persuade him to buy a house for 2 years or so. Yes he does get very defensive about it. I don't when would be a good time to approach him because he is always so stressed out from work and such there just never seems to be a good time. He loves his job, but gets stressed easily. We also have little time to do things because of our schedule and when he is not working or we are doing shows, he doesn't want to even think about this kind of stuff. He also works late a lot of time. I wonder if he is scared because of his anxiety disorder and because he is afaid he cannot take care of a house.
Another thing is that all our friends are constantly bugging us about it as well and I think that bothers him as well. He gets bothered very easily.
Homes where we live are expensive, but we can get a nice townhouse for 200K. If we were to add together our rent and our car payment, right now we pay 1200.00 a month for both. A mortgage would be about 300.00 more.
Down payment would not be a problem as I think his father said he would give us 10K for that. Part of his inheritance.
I am on this again because of something he said yesterday. He said to his dad that WE are happy the way things are right now and it will happen in time. Like I said, I know we have it very good compared to others, but buying a home means a lot to me.
Kelly |
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