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Replies to '12/20 Marry Me or Else!'
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September 25, 2006, 7:34 am PDT
 Quote From: janessaluv How long do you wait? Hello. My name is Janessa. I'm 26 years old (almost 27). I married my high school sweetheart in 2001 and we divorced in December of last year because he cheated. So we were together a total of almost 9 years. I left him last May.
Istarted dating a wonderful man in September of last year. So we have been together for a year now. He is 32 and divorced his wife in Februrary of this year, also due to infidelity issues - she also cheated. They were together 11 years.
Here is where it gets sticky. He has a 5 year old son (almost 6 years). After they had a child, he had a vasectomy. I have no children, but have always wanted children. I have never thought of not having children at some point. He, on the other hand, only planned on having one child and now he's not sure if he 1, wants to ever get remarried and 2, if he wants to have more children. Having babies is not something I am really worried about, because if he had a reversal and it didn't work, we would adopt, but none of that matters if he doesn't want children at all. He thinks he will get there, but it will take time. How much time?
So my question is, how long do you wait for someone? I really love him and I understand that we have not been together all that long, but I would like to know if this is going to work out or if it is worth my time. Why should I stay with someone who doesn't want the same things I do? What if I wait and then he decides he doesn't want to ever get married again or have children? Then I'll get hurt too. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. We have talked about breaking up, in fact, we were on the verge of it last week, but neither one of us feels good about just walking away.
We have been through a lot and continue to go through a lot with his ex-wife and the issues with her and his son. That's more baggage and hard on me too. I think he's worth it, but then what if my goals, hopes and dreams are never met? Any advice?
Thanks so much for reading.
Janessa If I were you & he was as honest with me as he has apparently been with you, I would accept it! He's given you the respect to be honest enough with you. Respect that, appreciate that & accept that. Otherwise you're being dishonest about your feelings with both him and yourself.
It's great that he's worth it. He can still be worth all the good things you want for him without being you spouse. |
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September 25, 2006, 12:14 pm PDT
Quote From: janessaluv How long do you wait? Hello. My name is Janessa. I'm 26 years old (almost 27). I married my high school sweetheart in 2001 and we divorced in December of last year because he cheated. So we were together a total of almost 9 years. I left him last May.
Istarted dating a wonderful man in September of last year. So we have been together for a year now. He is 32 and divorced his wife in Februrary of this year, also due to infidelity issues - she also cheated. They were together 11 years.
Here is where it gets sticky. He has a 5 year old son (almost 6 years). After they had a child, he had a vasectomy. I have no children, but have always wanted children. I have never thought of not having children at some point. He, on the other hand, only planned on having one child and now he's not sure if he 1, wants to ever get remarried and 2, if he wants to have more children. Having babies is not something I am really worried about, because if he had a reversal and it didn't work, we would adopt, but none of that matters if he doesn't want children at all. He thinks he will get there, but it will take time. How much time?
So my question is, how long do you wait for someone? I really love him and I understand that we have not been together all that long, but I would like to know if this is going to work out or if it is worth my time. Why should I stay with someone who doesn't want the same things I do? What if I wait and then he decides he doesn't want to ever get married again or have children? Then I'll get hurt too. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. We have talked about breaking up, in fact, we were on the verge of it last week, but neither one of us feels good about just walking away.
We have been through a lot and continue to go through a lot with his ex-wife and the issues with her and his son. That's more baggage and hard on me too. I think he's worth it, but then what if my goals, hopes and dreams are never met? Any advice?
Thanks so much for reading.
Janessa Janessa... Get out and find your self a man who will want the same things as you do! I personally know a woman, who married the love of her life - even though he told her he DIDN"T want kids. Although she did want children, she gave up the thought and put all her efforts into her marriage. For 25 years she took care of (literally) him and their business, which became a great success -all due to her hard work - while he played golf, chased bimbos, etc. Twenty five years went by quickly and one day, this selfish bastard, came home to tell her; that he "NOW WANTS KIDS"!!! By then, she was of course too old to have them. She compeltely fell apart when he dumped her and married the pregnant bimbo, who had a few kids for him. DO yourself a big favor.. Loose this selfish "BOY" quickly and go have babies with a MAN who will love you enough, to marry you and love - and share babies with you. There are too many selfish men out there, who take advantage of women. He's only thinking of himself - not your ticking clock, or what you want (why should he buy the cow when the milk is free). We women have to be honest and true to our own selves. You cannot make a man love you, but you also SHOULD NOT love a man more than yourself, or a man who doesn't love you back, as much as you love him. Never put his wishes before yours, when you know that he doesn't want the same things as you do. If he says he doesn't want kids... Believe him!!! Go on with your life, with someone who does. Please take this to heart. It is very true. Good Luck to you!! Donna
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September 26, 2006, 8:43 pm PDT
Quote From: janessaluv How long do you wait? Hello. My name is Janessa. I'm 26 years old (almost 27). I married my high school sweetheart in 2001 and we divorced in December of last year because he cheated. So we were together a total of almost 9 years. I left him last May.
Istarted dating a wonderful man in September of last year. So we have been together for a year now. He is 32 and divorced his wife in Februrary of this year, also due to infidelity issues - she also cheated. They were together 11 years.
Here is where it gets sticky. He has a 5 year old son (almost 6 years). After they had a child, he had a vasectomy. I have no children, but have always wanted children. I have never thought of not having children at some point. He, on the other hand, only planned on having one child and now he's not sure if he 1, wants to ever get remarried and 2, if he wants to have more children. Having babies is not something I am really worried about, because if he had a reversal and it didn't work, we would adopt, but none of that matters if he doesn't want children at all. He thinks he will get there, but it will take time. How much time?
So my question is, how long do you wait for someone? I really love him and I understand that we have not been together all that long, but I would like to know if this is going to work out or if it is worth my time. Why should I stay with someone who doesn't want the same things I do? What if I wait and then he decides he doesn't want to ever get married again or have children? Then I'll get hurt too. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. We have talked about breaking up, in fact, we were on the verge of it last week, but neither one of us feels good about just walking away.
We have been through a lot and continue to go through a lot with his ex-wife and the issues with her and his son. That's more baggage and hard on me too. I think he's worth it, but then what if my goals, hopes and dreams are never met? Any advice?
Thanks so much for reading.
Janessa They are either there or they are not. I was proposed to 26 times by the same man... I have an engagement ring! But here I am 11 years later and not married. Does that tell you something? I don't want to marry him now. I am glad I didn't get married to him. I could not trust him. He always went back on his word. I realized that living with out him was like a big weight was lifted off me. I always thought it would be hard to get over him. Truth is I didn't get over him. I just saved myself. |
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