Replies to 'How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me'

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I guess we all go through these times of having flashbacks and nightmares. I still do and I'm 55 years old. You remind me of myself when I was your age. I was raising 3 boys by myself and I got the same way where I felt I couldn't even function. I think the stress of caring for the children and knowing how much they need us, when its hard enough to even care for ourselves, really takes a toll. So many times back then I felt they'd be better off without me and I even planned my own suicide once. Thank God it turned around for me when I ran into an old high school friend and her friendship changed my whole outlook. (She never knew how depressed I was, but she was a good friend and it made all the difference in the world.) Now, when I look back I'm so glad I never gave in to those feelings because I have 3 wonderful grown sons who love me and bring me so much joy...and a wonderful grandson on top of that. Look what I would have missed!

Even though I still struggle and I still have flashbacks and nightmares sometimes, and I still go through some really tough times, I know I'm meant to be here and I know my children need me (still) and I know there are happy times to come. When things are bad it seems like there's no future, no hope. That's because its so dark and we can't see any light...there's no sign of any hope ahead. But its there. Its around the corner and we can't see around that corner. But eventually you'll turn that corner and you'll see the light. I promise.

Those boys need you. There is no way they'd be better off without you. Please hang in there like I did and am still doing. And don't ever feel ashamed to talk about it. You did nothing wrong! I've been ashamed too...my mother made me feel that way. But she and my father are the ones who should be ashamed, not me. And not you!