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July 26, 2005, 9:11 am PDT
Hi Sweets!
Quote From: sweets537You hit the nail on the head. I suffered from depression before I got pregnant with my son and while I was pregnant with my son. Before I got pregnant my doctor put me on celexa and I hated the way it made me feel, I told him I was getting off of it, and I have yet to take another anti depressant. I am hard headed I guess you could say. I want to beable to beat this thing all on my own, and I am finding little by little that it just sneaks back up on me. After I had my son it was like I was a whole new person. I could stand on my own feet and keep my head up by myself, I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life, all that I needed was my son. He & I did great for a while, then I started to get lonely. So I buried my head into my online classes for college and thats where I stayed. Little by little I started to go out with friends, and what do u know...I met my "now" husband. He walked into my life and saved me from whatever it was that was creeping up on me. It was great, and then we got engaged, bought a house and started planning. I slipped right back down in that hole during my wedding planning. Decided about 2 weeks before the wedding that I didn't want to get married and that he wasn't the one for me. Funny how that dark hole surrounds you. Well we went through with the wedding (that was April 30) he is a great person and a loving father and husband. I just can't seem to get myself happy with anything. With my son there I covered it up and spent most of my time with him. But with him being gone I thought well this will be a great time for my husband and I, boy was I wrong. We haven't fought, we just haven't talked. I have buried myself in my work, in my chores, in my computer. Whatever it is I can do to avoid him, and I have no idea why. Now you are talking about what it going on with you. I didn't like Celexa either it was too strong for me. Have you tried other meds. There are so many and you have to keep working with your doctor to get the right doseage for you. This is what I did. I started paying attention to the way my depression was coming by charting it on a calendar. I go in cycles of 3-4months off and 3 months on. Now three months is a loooong time to deal with depression as a matter of fact a day is too long. But at least I know to get more medication through my roughest times to keep track so I know how long I have to go. I stopped fighting the being tired and get lots of rest. One of oue oldies came up with a great idea to take little mini chores of doing little 15-30 mins cleanups and patting ourselves on the back for all the things we can accomplish while that buzzard has us down. Another thing I did when I was on the board is try to help someone that was having a worse day than I was to send a hug and prayer and some word to try to make them feel better. This made me see my purpose for my day. If I can't come to the boards I do searches for positive thinking and read on those sites. Sometimes I can't read any sad stories so the boards are not a good place for me. As for your hubby Sweets write him a nice note and tell him he is not the reason for your sadness and this is something you are working on. I am sure he is feeling bad seeing you distance yourself from him. I had many talks with my hubby so he would not think what was going on with me was something he needed to fic but something I needed to fix. Another thing Sweets and a lot of folks here don't like to hear this but my connection back to God is what really saved me! Hugs and prayers!
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