Replies to 'Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship'

I would be happy to offer you some things that help my marriage to you.  Breaking the ice is first.  If he says he is in love, he is.  He is having some man problems probably.  When we were having trouble, it was a for the most part, my problem.  I got in a rut where I was tired of being responsible, or at least feeling like it, for everything.  When things were bothering me, I felt like it was easier to just keep it to myself.  I did not want to trouble my wife, she had enough stuff to worry about.  I felt like it was all my problem.  What I did not realize is that I was isolating myself from my wife and my family.  I just felt overwhelmed.  Well, because of that, my wife also felt like I did not like her or care about her feelings, much like the stuff you are saying.  The only way to break through it is talk to each other.  This is the way I see it with your relationship right now: 

You have had enough of being unhappy, so much so that you are unhappy most of the time.  He sees that it just adds to his unhappiness.  You are just frustrated and feel isolated from him.  Your feelings are not being dealt with and he is not saying anything to you.

He is unhappy, but because he has been piling it on, he does not even know what to do about it anymore.  He maybe feels like he can not please his boss, his kids, his wife, etc...  He probably feels like there is no way he is going to be able to make anyone happy, so why try.  He just does not know what to do from here.

Ask him if you can start over.  Make sure that you mean it.  If you do not have any major hurdles to jump (infidelity, drug abuse, etc...) then all you have to do is start over.  Get together, talk about about what is bothering you, let him talk about what is bothering him, tell him that you are ready to move forward, tell him you want him to say the same thing, then do it (Use Dr. Phil's Fight Fair guidelines).  The biggest thing to do to break the ice would be to say "thank you" "how are you?" "I knew we were meant to be", before during and after this is all being settled.  These are big things that work toward the self esteem of the other person.  If he is really in a rut, he will start talking and soon he will start returning the compliments even.  Slow, easy, and without anger.  Passion and compassion only from here on will help make a change.  Shortly after you start talking, plan a date or hubby/wife fun time ONLY, no kids.  Right now is the time to start finding a good babysitter and using it.  If he needs to see this stuff show him.  He is not alone in the world of feeling like being a man is too hard sometimes.  That is why God gave us woman for companionship and understanding.  For us to go to when we have had too much.  To have someone to look weak in front of because the world doesn't let us let weak out there in it.  That is some of things men need from woman, in return, woman end up with the man o their dreams, because you end up with a good friend.  My wife is my best friend.  That is way it should be.  You need to have other freinds, but she will always be the best freind.  You will get there.  It takes time, but the first time he says something you do not like, the way you react will make a big difference in whether or not it gets work out or how quickly it gets worked out.  With men, you need to say "So what you mean by that is ______?"  Give him a chance to say it differently so you understand it, especially if the first thing you hear hurts your feelings.  That is something that my wife has learned to do very well, because she knows I am terrible at say things right the first time.  Good Luck.  Hope this is helpful also.

i am happy for you and you have all my hopes. i will not wait forever because I know the outcome would take its toll on me.  eventhough I have been cheated on and they have always said its not me, it still is very hard to except the idea we might not have a chance.  I know eventually the hard decision will be needed if things dont work out, but hes crazy if he thinks i will wait a year.  thats just nuts. i appreciate a good listener brcause its comfortating to know that someone will listen. the biggest deal for me is the loneliness, and it is an effort to do anything but I am still keeping up with my dancing, and fixing up the house as best I can. it keeps my mine busy on something else other than my pity party.

thanks for listening

I wish you success in the effort towards your marriage, at least he is listening that is a plus.

always hopeful