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Replies to 'He/She Won't Commit!'
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October 2, 2006, 4:24 am PDT
 Quote From: amber9763 Here is my story...this guy and I were doing a casual thing for a while and he told me straight up to begin with that he didn't want a relationship. Well...this went on for several months and I found myself falling for him. I couldn't take it anymore and so one day I had a talk with him and told him that I was really starting to like him and I didn't know what to do about it...and I asked him how he felt. Of course, he gave me the same answer. I got really upset and heartbroken, and so I couldn't talk to him for a while. He kept calling me and wanted to talk, but I was just too embarrassed, heartbroken, and scared to talk to him. So he got frustrated and then he got all upset. So FINALLY I called him and told him I was ready to talk to him and I just told him straight up that it was going to be hard to get over him. He told me that he really does like me but he was scared to death to get into another relationship because of his last ex of 2 years that cheated on him and it really hurt him. He said that he didn't want to go through that again. We agreed to be friends still and hang out. Well...of course hanging out with him doesn't help any because I can't just see him as a friend, but I don't want to lose a great friendship either, so I try to bare with it. We don't act like "just friends" either. We cuddle on the bed and watch TV together and stuff. I keep thinking to the old saying "Actions speak louder than words." So do I go by what his actions say and wait on him to come around when I know that he does really care for me? Or do I just stop seeing him until all my emotions eventually go away and I just move on? I don't know what to do. I have never been in love before and it just is really frustrating when he tells me one thing and acts another way. HELP ME PLEASE! While it is true actions do speak louder than words - you still can't ignore the fact that he told you he does not want a relationship right now either. He had a bad experience in his past relationship which you are paying the price for. He is giving you mixed signals and words and you need to talk to him again about this "friendship" and clearly understand what it is that he is doing. If he again says he wants to be just friends then you need to get your heart and emotions in check and realize that should you decide to continue in this relationship, your heart will eventually get broken. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I would limit my time with him and date other people and go out with your girlfriends etc. You are in college and are young. Your education should be your top priority. This is a high risk relationship, he's told you that already. If it was me, I'd say goodbye and tell him to call you when he is ready to try again. Only you can decide how much you can handle and are willing to risk in the hands of a "friend" who can't mentally commit to a serious relationship right now. Being friends with someone you are in love with doesn't work, normally you need to cut all ties and move on. |
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October 2, 2006, 11:27 am PDT
Quote From: amber9763 Here is my story...this guy and I were doing a casual thing for a while and he told me straight up to begin with that he didn't want a relationship. Well...this went on for several months and I found myself falling for him. I couldn't take it anymore and so one day I had a talk with him and told him that I was really starting to like him and I didn't know what to do about it...and I asked him how he felt. Of course, he gave me the same answer. I got really upset and heartbroken, and so I couldn't talk to him for a while. He kept calling me and wanted to talk, but I was just too embarrassed, heartbroken, and scared to talk to him. So he got frustrated and then he got all upset. So FINALLY I called him and told him I was ready to talk to him and I just told him straight up that it was going to be hard to get over him. He told me that he really does like me but he was scared to death to get into another relationship because of his last ex of 2 years that cheated on him and it really hurt him. He said that he didn't want to go through that again. We agreed to be friends still and hang out. Well...of course hanging out with him doesn't help any because I can't just see him as a friend, but I don't want to lose a great friendship either, so I try to bare with it. We don't act like "just friends" either. We cuddle on the bed and watch TV together and stuff. I keep thinking to the old saying "Actions speak louder than words." So do I go by what his actions say and wait on him to come around when I know that he does really care for me? Or do I just stop seeing him until all my emotions eventually go away and I just move on? I don't know what to do. I have never been in love before and it just is really frustrating when he tells me one thing and acts another way. HELP ME PLEASE! You are “friends” who cuddle on the bed and hang out together…..what guy is going to pass that up? He is thinking that he has it great- and he does- he has this great girl who is in love with him and who is willing to give him the good aspects of a relationship without actually having a serious committed relationship. This isn’t fair to you at all, you are shortchanging yourself! Many people have relationships and then, when they break up, they are able to continue being friends. However, most people are not able to do that because there are just too many emotions involved, and that is totally understandable! My advice to you is to not spend so much time together. Begin to distance yourself from him, because as long as you continue going on the way that you are, your actions that speak louder than words are these: “I am here waiting for you whenever you want a relationship, but until you want that, I’m still here for whatever needs you want to have met because I hope by meeting your needs you will change your mind and want a relationship with me.” |
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