Quote From: fmn2006My ex has not lived with us for 4 years but filed a custody case just last month. In court, I was allowed ten minutes to speak and was denied any mentioning of abuse even though I had police reports with me. My ex's attorney objected so many times that I probably only spoke 5 minutes. I was silenced at mentioning any advice from the counselor who had set the existing visitation schedule.
The Judge awarded more visitation time to my ex even though there are changes to the existing schedule 40% of the time because my ex can't handle the time he has. The Judge said that a father deserves the right to be a father and that my ex should have more time with his daughter. He then court appointed an attorney for my daughter. The attorney's responsibility would be to determine a final custody order.
After meeting the attorney, my 13 year old daughter said that she hated her attorney and never wanted to go back. She said her attorney did all the talking about what was right for her father and that she shouldn't spend so much time with her mother. He informed her that she shouldn't care so much about her soccer because she would quit soon enough and get interested in boys and other stuff. And, he told her that she was not to see her counselor anymore because it's the same counselor for her mother.
What? Her attorney has never met me and he has never spoken with me, but he has made a decision that my daughter spends too much time with me and that the counselor is bias towards me. Of course, he's never met or spoken with the counselor either. And, he failed to understand that my daughter plays at a soccer level among the top 1% in the state.
Gender equality? The Judge and his appointed counsel have chastised me for being a good mother? What's "in the best interest" of the children in divorce should be about the children's needs, desires, and welfare based on the individual parents not the recent public movements.
The courts and the attorneys are creating the needless custody battles. If there are any reform groups out there, I am willing to take my case public if it can help change the system. I am absolutely appalled at the emotional upheaval the courts inflicted upon a 13 year old girl when there was no reason to do so.
If you find a way to lobby on behalf of children and change the laws where they are there to protect the kids and not be so concerned about being "politically correct" by making sure the father has equal access to the kids no matter what they have done, then let me know. I will tell my story and lobby right along side of you. Last night my ex had to pull my 4 year old daughter out of my arms. Last Tuesday it was my 7 year old son. I am a strong believer in getting along for the sake of the kids. I did mediate with my ex and agreed to him having 40% and me having 60% custody. I read books, talked to counselors, etc......before making this decision. I did it because I thought it would be in the best interest of the kids. So, I am not one of these vindictive ex's that wanted to use my disgust with my ex by using the kids. I would never do that. But look where it has gotten me. My ex beat my daughter and the courts, lawyers, counselor, social workers, and GAL all say, " well that is the law. There's nothing we can do. You have to let him regain his visitation even though he has criminal charges against him for this to which he has kept postponing." My children are scared of him and I have no options left until my modification the end of this month. I want to say, "Shame on all of you involved!!!!" What if these were their kids? So, if you find an outlet where we can lobby to change the laws in favor of children and not their abusers (physically and emotionally) please post it and I will be with you. Good luck!
