Replies to '10/06 IQ Answer'

My 13 year old is very bright, but he almost failed 7th grade last year because of missing homework.  (The "moths" in his locker must have been eating his homework, because it always seemed to go missing...and the dogs won't eat his homework...he's tried).  He, too, would lie and say he didn't have homework.

This year, we've taken a different approach.  I keep in close contact with his teachers...by email and in person.  Scott has to CALL me on the phone from class if he does not turn in an assignment when it is due.  All of his teachers have agreed to do this.

He also has to fill out his day planner (all of the students at the school are required to do this).  Scott has to get the teachers to sign his planner every day to confirm that he has correctly and completely written down the assignments.

I have spent a couple of  days at school with Scott, tagging along with him to all of his classes all day long.  I now have a feel for the teachers' different teaching styles, and what homework to expect on certain days of the week.  The teachers took notice of this and appreciate my involvement. This has made them more willing to communicate with me.  We also have an agreement with the teachers to let Scott have 2 extra days to complete missed assignments.  This is to prevent Scott from simply accepting a "zero" on the assignment and getting out of doing it altogether.

I am constantly the "homework police" with him...tapping him on the shoulder to remind him to focus on his work.  He had a diagnosis of ADHD for years, which has turned out to be linked to a sleep disorder and a vision disorder (read my previous posting to another mom).

If Scott misses an assignment, Mom will show up at school...multiple missing assignments will result in Mom spending the whole day at school with him...pretty embarrassing for a junior high student.

Since we have started our new policies, Scott's school performance and getting his homework turned in has greatly improved.  Having the right medication for his sleep disorder, and getting the vision therapy have also been a great help.

Don't feel like you are failing your son, tell him often that you are being tough because you love him and care about how he will turn out as an adult.  And please consider getting the right testing.

Also, if is any comfort to you, the homework battles seem to be rampant among junior high boys...I've talked with a lot of parents of boys, and they all say the same thing.

In the USA, typically in 7th grade, the students go from having one teacher to having six teachers.  This is a big adjustment for kids, not to mention all of the hormonal changes going on at that age.  The kids tend to feel kind of anonymous with so many teachers...like they can get away with not turning in their homework.

Last year, one of Scott's teachers made the excuse that she had 30 kids in her class, and that she just didn't have the time to keep Scott on track.  My comment back to her was that yes, she had 30 kids in her class, but Scott was one of them.  I asked her to have the kids in Scott's lab group help keep him on track...his grade in that class improved after that.

After diagnosing and treating Scott's problems, behavior modification was definitely necessary...and still requires vigilance on our part, as his parents.

I hope this information helps.  I'll keep you in my prayers

A Dedicated Mom

I know that this problem (stress) can be easily fixed since I'm like that too especially oral presentations. It very important that he knows the defenition of organization and how to do it. Organization means that everything is seperated into categories, it doesnt necesarily mean neat but its a personal system where you can find things in less then 30 seconds. Losing something at the last minute is stressful. It also important to plan well which means do 70% of the work at the begining. This strategy never fails and avoids lots of panics and stress.  Theres such a relief when your not paniking at the last minute and when you get it over with. It feels like bricks coming off your shoulder. At the beginning of an assignment, or when he finds out theres a test, he should have an agenda right on his desk and takes notes. When I get stressed out I always take a piece of paper and right everything out thats stressing me out and circle the ones that must be tackled first (priorities). Its normal to get stressed out, most people do or get nervous and I think its a good time for him to get started because it will get worse in high school and post-secondary.