Replies to 'Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship'

salamander20

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
hopeful

March 23, 2007, 7:59 pm PDT

Just curious how things turned out

Quote From: gabe01

My fiance.... well ex-fiance now, and I met 4 years ago and,at first became friends, then fell in love. We knew,at the time, we were to be together forever. We moved in together and started our life. Over the next few years, we build our life together like any typical couple would, joint bank account, 2 cars, and eventually we had 2 children, 1 girl and 1 boy. We had our ups and downs but were able to get through them. I was married,but separated for 2 years, when we 1st met. after 1 year I began the divorce papers,but because of financial problems didn't complete them. Well, 3 1/2 years later, before the birth of our son, who is 9 months now, she told me she wanted us to be a real family and wanted me to finish he paperwork, before our 4 year anniverary together, so we could marry. This was in july of 2005. After our son's birth, in january. She reminded me again, I told her I would, and forgot. She had told me 2 years earlier,when our daughter was born, that she considered me her husband and she was my wife. the papers could wait. That's why I forgot, well our financial problems got worst, we argued more, spoke to each other less. We were spending more time working and raising the kids, then with each other. It got worst, she would be going to school(college)in the morning and working late nights. I works grave shift(12am-8am) and watch the 2 kids during the afternoon, i would get 3-4 hrs sleep a day. The only time i would talk to her was for sex, which she was too tired to do. (I understand now,then at the time..sex wasn't important in relationship). I never got the papers done. she told me she wasn't happy and wanted to separate. angery, i agreed and moved out. My fiance's mother offered me the money to finish the papers and I said "no". That convinced her that I wasn't really going to marry her. 4 months later, She is living a single mothers life and I finally got divorce papers done and living single. Problem is: I am still deeply and truly in-love with her, but she is not in-love with me and wants her space for now. I tried to change her mind by talking and convincing her that i want us to be a family and live my life with her forever. The only thing I have done was push her away from me further and caused a strain in our relationship. She told me," take care of yourself and the kids and maybe later we will see what happens, if it's meant to be it will happen." I know in her mind it's over, but I don't want to lose her... How do I give her space,but at the same time, slowly win her back... I truly believe she is my soulmate.... I important factor, I am 11 years older then her. I'm 37 and she's 26.. please help me save my life with her.

I know it has been quite a while since you posted, but I thought I would share with you my experience and ask you how things went with your ex-fiance.

My highschool sweetheart and I drifted apart because of distance and also the fact that we were too young to be in a very serious relationship. He always remained in my mind and heart and when we were college age I heard that he and his girlfriend had gotten married because she was pregnant and it caused me a twinge of sadness even though I hadnt seen him in years. After several years they separated and she moved in with another guy.

I happened to move to the same town that he lived and we started doing things together. I didnt like the fact that he was still married so I kept it just friends for 9 months but we became so close and I was so much in love I broke down and we started dating. He was so much fun to be around and he was also the life of the party. Despite the fact that I still loved him dearly I ended the relationship about a year later. Reason was that along with the fun-loving, great person to spend time with came a guy who was very laid back, relaxed with spending money, and he was not working very hard to get a divorce (even when he was totally in love with me). I equated this with him being not as responsible as he could be. #1 reason for break-up was because of his loose spending habits. I am extremely frugal (definitly to the extreme) and we would have driven each other crazy. But if money was not an issue I would have broken up with him eventually if he had not gotten a divorce.

All I can say is that I had lots of backbone and it was extremely hard to break up with him when I was still in love with him. Sometimes love just aint enough and the money incompatability was a deal breaker for me.

I have since met a wonderful guy and I have been married for nearily 2 years. My ex has been dating a girl for over a year now and he still is not divorced. I have heard that she really wants him to get a divorce and has threatened to break up with him if he doesnt. But though she threatens she still is together with him and I am thinking that she wont go through with it.

All I can say is that you need to talk with your ex and see why she is wanting this space. See if there are incompatabilities that are bothering her and if there is any way that you can work through them. In our case we were so extreme oposites that it would have been near imposible. However if my ex had really understood the importance of this incompatability to me and made an effort to come up with a possible solution together I would have given it a try. But he didnt and didnt seem to understand why it was an issue.

This might not be your case at all but just wanted to share incase it helps.

Well I hope things worked out or will work out because it sounds like you were truely in love.