Replies to '12/25 Divorcing the Family'

Amen to you I say.  Tough love is just that, tough love.  Went thru similar problems with our youngest daughter.  She had a loving, two parent home and still was not happy.  She left home at 16 to live with her grandparents after a "professional" told her she should live wherever she felt most comfortable. Granny is a master of enabling and lets her do whatever she wants.  We have a tenuous relationship at best. Now that she is 18 she only comes around when she needs something, usually money.

She went to the $5000/mo theraputic school.  The teachings have kept her clean and sober, so I guess you can call it success. My husband and I have greatly benefitted from the parallel family sessions that they had.  It helped us get over the guilt of feeling like we failed.  We came to realize it is HER series of poor choices that landed her where she is, not ours.  We did the best we could and then some.  I feel for all you parents going thru the same issues.  Hang in there and stay together.

Either you have small children and are not there yet or you are older and you have not had to not bring up teens in todays society. But any one with such a hard attitude has not been there.

 

My 15 year old daughter as much as I loved her turned from a sweet loving girl to  ranting abusive and distructive lunatic.  Running away from home every thursday returning every sunday for school, obvious that she had a very big weekend.  Calling police trying to get help, no help available.  Young girl cursing , swearing physically abusive, threatening her three young brothers and sisters.

 

Finally I tried to send her to my parents, new school new beginning, My parents sent her back after three months, she had been kicked out of school and was bringing some very undesirable people to their home when they were not there.

 

Daughter came home, behaviour just the same, but now she could tell all her friends that her parents had kicked her out and that we were totally evil.

 

Going to a local house where drugs and underage sex where free.  I went to the house to get her and I was attacked by her 20 year old male friends and may other children  some as young as 10 who were at the house as well.  Called the police, was told that unless teh behaviour was happening in teh street they could do nothing.  Much of this happened marriage was suffereing

 

Finally she ran away again, I contacted an agency who told her that she didnt have to come home that if she wanted she got go to foster care and get away from the troubles at home.  (No trying to find a solution)  She was then given an allowance, more disposable cash that I had at the time and went to a foster home where she could do what ever she wanted, they said she was a dream, because they never said no, she went out with her older boyfriend with no objections so of course she was very happy for a while, until they noticed that she was becoming angry with them, they coudnt make her happy, she was a teen who wanted to be unhappy  I guess. I was being told of her behavior and made responsible for it but I was told that now she was in care I had no rights.

 

I had to distance my self from my daughter.  I was a wreck , my other children suffered as I was depressed and found day to day life difficult, I really tried but every day was a struggle.

 

My daughter turns 20 this week, she has a beautiful son and we get along very well, however she is very selfish and feels that we all owe her because of her troubled lilfe.   Foster care taught her that the world owed her, this I have to ignore excepth that the other children are starting to question why she is so special when she was the cause of so many problems

 

Unless you have walked a mile in a desperate parents shoes, do not judge.  Today kids are told that parents are nothing to be respected and that they have more rights that all else.  They have little responsibility and feel that the world owes them.  I pray that my other children dont give me the same grief because i coudl not go through it again.  Five years after my daughters issues and I still find it hard to cope with the lost years.

 

 

I agree with u 100% Thats how i feel too!!!!! I wish my mom was here to read that!!!!!

I agree with you %100. I do not deny the fact that teenagers can be very unruly and even frightening at times. However, you as the parent set the boundaries. And yes, I know that sometimes drastic measures must be made. I unfortunately know this first hand! There are different levels of rebellion, and some teens take it to the extreme, but even in these cases it is unacceptable to simply give up and "divorce" that child. It is absalutely obsurd!!! If you have to ship him/her off to some place who can handle their needs then so be it, but even the most extreme rebellions need to know deep down their parents love and support them. If not then why bother turning back, there is no incentive. It gives them reason to destroy themselves.   Again it's called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. There are many reasons as to why these teens could be doing what they are doing and they need us to help them get back on track. What do you think would happen if we all just started to divorce our children when they reached the snotty, disrespectfull, rebellious teen years? You need to figure out why your child is so angry. They don't just do it for the hell of it. Yes, part of it is just being a teenager and finding your place in the world. But when it is to an extreme there is something more and you need to get to the bottom of it, even if it takes 5yrs. It is your job as a parent to see past the action and figure out a way to get to the root of the situation. There are so many professionals out there today who can help you with that...don't you think we need to stop making exuses as to why it's okay to give up and start getting this world back on track? It truely does start in the home...

I have an eleven year old son who is ADHD and also has mood swings and they also think he has OCD. I have dealt with this behavior since he was 4. In fact, He just got released from Belmont Pines Behavioral Hospital this past thursday. I also had to go down to the Juvineile Court and File charges against him. He had lit fireworks in our newly built home and burned the carpet and the window. Luckily, he burned things that can be replaced. I am very thankfull that none of my children were hurt. This is not the first time he has played with fire. He did it about 1 month ago at 5 in the morning and also used a bucket of gasoline. He repeatedly calls me stupid, retard, liar and many others. I have 5 other children to take care of and he needs constant supervision and dicipline. I don't know what else to do with him. I know what you mean completely and I could probably type all night and write a book about all  the things my son has done, as well as had children services called quite a few times.....I don't know what else to do with him. He goes to counseling and a psychiatrist and is on medication. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd be glad to hear it.....Thanks...........