Replies to '09/07 Dark Family Secrets'

My 38 yr old husband revealed 1 year ago that he was abused by his older sister.  (He was 8 and she was 16 when the abuse started and continued for 2 yrs.  )He told his mother, who believed him for 2 days and then she went  into "how will my family survive this" mode.  She went to her daughter to confront her, behind my husbands back, and evidently received the ultimate denial.  My husband attempted to contact his sister by phone and she never returned the calls.  He spoke to his mother 1 time after the initial conversations and she would only say "...these are YOUR accusations."  We have not heard from them since.  My husband has written both his parents and sister letters discussing how the abuse affected him and that it did happen.  He has 2 additional siblings who only will say "...how can you make this up about our sister".  EVERYONE is in denial.  I wonder if something didn't happen to all of them.  The troubling part is that I only married into this family 4 years ago and both my husbands parents told me how Happy my husband was as a child and that around 8 or 9 "something changed and he became very angry".    I always found that odd to be proclaiming to a new addition to the family.  It does tell me that these parents now know the truth and are more concerned with how they will be perceived as parents and their family will be perceived.  They will sacrafice one member for the "good of the group".  If they allow themselves to believe this, that would require all of them to act.  Look at the family and none of them want to do that.  My 2 year old daughter will never know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins because of the power of denial.  

My husband is still in counselling and is doing very, very well.  I am the one who struggles with the lack of contact from his family.  He probably has been trying to break free from them for 30 years.  I just can not understand how Christian people can act this way.  

I wish you luck, but have learned that your family are the ones who need to change in order to be part of your life again.  We will never have contact with them unless big changes happen.  It is extremely sad, I wish it were different.  I hope Dr. Phil continues to do shows like he did today.  

When I decided 20 years after my son’s disclosure to me that my brother, his uncle was sexually abusing him my family swiftly showed me the consequences.  I was gradually, passive aggressively ostracized by them all.  I was silent for 20 years and I was dying inside… I will not be silenced again.