Replies to '09/07 Dark Family Secrets'

quote..."I feel bad about hearing it.  I don't want to know it.  I think the hard thing is that our society gauks these people which I think PREVENTS their recovery.  And now they did this as children, and are TALKING about it as ADULTS"....unquote 

  

...this is the attitude that prevents recovery...please if you are not affected by CSA try to imagine what it would be like...try to compare it to something you can relate to...say...like...ummm....putting your hand on a stove and not being allowed to scream and then that your burns were invisible to everyone but you...and when you tried to express your pain you were told not to talk about it and it was all in your head... 

  

...or maybe being at a family get together and you have a huge hole in your chest and your heart is hanging out and you are bleeding to death and everyone around you is smiling and laughing and having a good time...and nobody sees your injury and when you don't act all happy they look at you like you are crazy and start avoiding you. 

 TMI:
No one forced you to watch and no one forced you on the board.   For those of us who were incested, it is WONDERFUL to talk about it.    Why should I hide?   I did nothing wrong.   So, if it's too much for you, don't post or watch.

Remember when you were little and you had a cut or scratch and when your mother said, Oh let me see, and she kissed it and put a bandaid on it???  And suddenly it felt better...it wasn't the bandaid...it was the acknowledement of your wound...and the love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

" If I would have caught someone hurting my child in this way I probably would have hit them (although I am not a violent person).  If I had any reservation about my babysitters or the young boys they babysat... I wouldn't let my kids stay there" 

 

unquote... how many people who have had children abused do you think say the same thing?  My daughter was abused by the man she called dad (her step-dad)  

Do you think had I known about it I would have let her be anywhere near him? Heck no... I would have never in a million years thought he was doing anything to her. These people need to be ut on public notice so they do not continue to abuse. Just shutting them up and not talking about doesn't make it go away. If you think NOT telling your children about sexual abuse you are doing the wrong thing. I only wish I could go back and tell my daughter everyday not to let ANYONE touch her.  

  

Most predators can't just GET PAST it.. neither can victims. Easier said than done. 

I think you totally left out empathy for the people on this board who are victims, survivors, and maybe even abusers. 

  

By telling people to put it away and not talk about it is the reason so many myths and stigmas surround stuff like this. 

  

many people are threatened with their lives or lives of loved ones if they tell. By standing up against the abuse is a big step and then to have someone come say they shouldn't talk about it is VERY RUDE. IMO 

You really shouldn't take the responses to your TMI post personally.  When you wrote those letters... TMI you disturbed the dragon, so to speak...what those letters, and you now because you wrote them, represent to us as survivors of incest and child sexual abuse is incredibly powerful and offensive. 

  

...TMI represents the denial, secrecy and shame that we were met with as children, and have been oppressed by all our lives. As children we had no other recourse but to accept it and deny our selves in the process...I wish I had the words to describe accurately the feelings that "TMI" triggers in us...I wish I could offer a metephor that would really make it click for people who don't understand.  It is frustrating to say the least. 

  

I would like to make a request to all contributors to this message board...please answer this question in addition to your comments..."What does TMI represent to you?"...maybe we can help others understand. 

You don't want to know it. Are you kidding me? Poor you for having to simply 'hear' about the things these children experienced. As a victim of sexual abuse by a family member I can rightly say that it is people like you that do nothing for the children. I hope there are no vicitms out there wanting to tell and no longer carry this burden that have come across your response. Reading what you wrote it would probably scare them into silence. Of course it's sad, and they will carry it the rest of their lives. These things don't go away. You can heal, don't get me wrong but it will never go away. That is why we as a society should be more understanding and accepting of people who have gone through sexual abuse. If you tell them you wish you didn't know it and that you remember a time when these things weren't discussed you can count on them doing just that. Keeping it all inside. I can personally say it is just like a splinter in your finger. All it does is fester and fester and get more and more painful until you get it out. I'm sorry I have to take this out on you. Possibly it is because my own grandmother told me that I should have just taken it to the grave. Wow. I can never explain to you the amount of pain she inflicted when she told me she would rather not know.