Replies to 'Asperger's Syndrome'

I am the mother of an 11 year old also diagnosed with AS since the age of 6.  I have been to doctor after doctor, have spent money that I do not have.  His behavior is now out of control and I am at a loss of where to turn too next.  The worst thing I believe that has happened to my wee boy is that he was placed in a special education program for children with behavioral problems early on in school...I have been in touch with MAAP (VERY HELPFUL RESOURSE) and have just recently been made aware that these types of programs are by far the worst place that a child with AS could be placed, it's like placing the victim with victimizers, because AS children are so literal, they are products of their own environment, this then becomes learned behavior from children with violent tendancies. I fully believe that the school has good intentions to help him but are not educated enough to deal with these children and are not all sympathic with what is going thru their little minds, I'm told practically on a daily basis, that he has to follow the "rules", or he will be placed in ISS (in-school suspension), a regualr main stream classroom is not the place for a child with AS, they  have to be transitioned into these types of environments.  So when he does have a meltdown, he is punished for it.  Not taking into consideration his medical condition that he shouldn't even be in there in the first place.  My little boy is a bright, intelligent individual but because of his AS, it is now affecting his academics. 

 

I desperatly need help in finding a resource that will help me place him into the correct educational program.

 

Kind Regards

My (adult) child does not have AS, but had a myriad of other problems that challenged him physically, educationally and emotionally.  I am also a mental health nurse who has dealt with many children with AS and other challenging disorders.

 

First, let me address you as mom and human.  Know your needs - plan to get those needs met!  Don't feel guilty when you think that one more outburst will drive you crazy.  Take the time you need to adjust to your situation and then act.  If you are a single parent, partner with others who can give you a break from some of the chaos our children bring us.  Oh, and loose the guilt trip.  For years I wondered if missing one day of prenatal vitamins made the difference - how ridiculous is that?

 

Research your child's disorder, but know that research only reviews a limited number of cases and opinions are just that - opinions.  When your child begins to ask why he is the way he is, answer his questions honestly in a language he can understand.  When my son asked why his hands did not work well and writing was so hard I told him that the 'printer was not hooked up to the computer in his head', and this was why his hands shook badly when he tried to write.  The family had recently gotten a computer and we all understood what happened when the parts were not hooked up correctly!  Prior to a new school year, prepare a packet of information on AS for all of your child's teachers with suggestions on communication and how to best work with your child - they will bow down and kiss your feet!!!

 

Be the expert.  You mentioned that the teachers could not attend workshops on the problem.  Remember that you are the expert on your child.  Offer to teach a workshop on this problem.  Teachers must receive a number of continuing education training hours each school year.  This could be one of them.  What better way to be an advocate for your child!  Remember also that the school is obligated BY LAW to provide your child with an education that meets his needs.  There are child advocacy groups that will work with the school to help them develop individualized education plans and monitor that these plans are actually being used.

 

You owe no one an apology or excuse.  If your child's behavior is disruptive in a quiet setting (i.e. church), explain his situation to your pastor or priest and see what can be done to better help your child to join in at his level.  Plan 'practice trips' to the store when behaviors are out of line - believe me, this works!  When the behavior occurs, remind your child that s/he is not allowed to act in such a manner and that shopping at a store is a privilege.  When necessary, leave while reminding the child that you will return to the store when the behaviors stop.  This takes a lot of time and patience, but is worth the investment. 

 

Plan your intervention.  One of the biggest problems I have seen with parents who get 'stuck' in their child's problems is that they react to behaviors - they do not plan to address them.  Give your child limits - your child needs limits - your child craves limits.  Make the limits reasonable for their age and developmental skills.  Telling a 5 year old s/he is grounded is no more appropriate than telling a 14 year old to take a time out.  I have found that by appealing to the developmental needs of a child you can get them to comply with more appropriate social behaviors.  Set a goal for behavior and a reward together - children are more likely to work toward a goal THEY want.  Because of childhood obesity right now, I would suggest that you do not use food as a reward.  However, a reward that includes food (i.e. pizza party for child and two friends) is OK because it focuses on the social reward of the party.  Use the word 'when' instead of 'if' (i.e. when you finish cleaning your room you can watch TV); I have found that the word 'if' gives the child an option of refusing. 

 

When he was 15, my son went through a period of time when he just refused to bathe - the water on his skin was a tactile experience he could not tolerate.  He would scream and cry in the shower and a tub bath was no better.  In spite of this, he had to bathe.  We did what we could to encourage him and changed the head on the shower, but he refused to try a shower again.  The solution?  When the smell got so bad I moved him on the deck.  I told him he would live there until he decided to take his shower - he decided he liked the air conditioning at night more than the discomfort of the shower.  It took a few days for him to adapt, but adapt he did.  The shower was no longer a problem.

 

Hang in there, Mom.  You have been entrusted with a child with special gifts.  Find those gifts and celebrate them. 

 

Another mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi, i'm a mother of 4 children, two of them have a form of autism, my oldest son is 19 now and diagnosed with asperger when he was 12. My youngest son of 15 has PDD, he was diagnosed at the age of eight.

I knew something was 'off' with my oldest son when he was 2,5 years old. The term Asperger hadn't been invented yet. He was examined by several docters and they concluded he had a partial fotographic memory and a complete audiografic memory. It took us ten more years to finally learn he has Asperger. Through reading (books, literature, and the internet) I edjucated myself in the differnt sorts of autism. While my oldest son is highly intelligent, my youngest son is 'slow'. He was in an institution for 7 years because we couldn't handle him any longer. For example, he went joyriding with my car when he was 2,5, stabbed his brother 16 times in the back with a little potatoe knife when he was 3 and set his room on fire by the age off 4. My (now) ex-husband could'nt fine a way to deal whith these two boys, that was the main reason to get a divorce. I now take care of all my 4 kids, I took my youngest boy out of the institution last oktober. It was the best thing i ever could have done. He's doing so much better now. My advise to you, love your boy, focus on the things he can do, not the ones he can't. The most inportant thing is to stay calm always, these childeren don't understand you are sad or angry or happy. When he gets really angry: try to get him to look at you, make eye contact and tell him very calmely that you understand he's angry for whatever reason and ask him what YOU can do to help him. Distraction will help in some cases, but always remain calm. If he can't handle his own emotions, he certainly can't handle yours. I hope these tips help a little.

You will have to excuse my gramar, i'm Dutch and my English is not that good. 

I have a friend who has an 11 yr old son who is also diagnosed with aspergers and one thing shes been told and has found to help her some is total routine! Everyday same thing same time no suprises and if you guys are planning something let  him know ahead of time that way he can get over the excitment of it all and it's helped my friends stress level if anything! I hope this helps!