Replies to '12/27 Runaway Dramas'

Shhh... now don't be sayin' people need to be takin' responsibility for their own behaviour. Do you know how much you'll get slammed for that? Try to remember everyone is a victim.

Responsibility. I see this from a different perspective.

When an older man seduces a young woman, especially a young woman who has lacked a positive male presence in her life, he is taking advantage of her vulnerability. There is an imbalance of power- the older male has some life experience, has probably done this to other young women and knows exactly what to say and do. The young woman has longed to hear a man say she is beautiful, that she is worthy; she is loveable, that she deserves kindness. She wants to hear these things so badly, that it doesn’t take the predator very long to convince her he is the one who deserves her virginity. In the beginning, his control over her seems like love to her. The way he isolates her from friends and family might, at first, feel very good for her low self esteem; she thinks, ‘wow, he loves me so much, he wants to be with me every hour and he doesn’t want to share me.’ Of course this is classic behavior of an abuser, to tell a vulnerable young woman what she desperately needs to hear; then isolate her from friends and family; then begin to play mind games with her so that she feels that she is less than him, that he is the one in control of her life.

Responsibility.

In theory, she could have said ‘no.’ But in reality, when you have been love starved for so long, it is to difficult to say ‘no,’ because she feels that she has found the one person in the whole world who will love her and if she says ‘no,’ then she will lose that love. That thought is too terrible to bear. She thinks, ‘who else would ever love me?’ This is because while he professes his love for her, he also is reminding her that no one else would love her because she comes from a poor family, or because her nose is too big, or because she now has had a baby. So, she comes to believe that this is as good as it gets.

You said that you know a girl who got pregnant at a young age and it was not because some guy forced himself on her, she ‘knew exactly what she was doing…’ How do you know this? You can’t know what he has said or done to her (and her self esteem) you don’t know the circumstances that happened throughout her life that led up to her situation. You simply can’t know. You think you know- because from the outside, the situation looks typical. But it’s far from typical.

The young woman who has a baby with an older man will be taking responsibility for the rest of her life. I urge you to set your judgment aside. It is so easy to judge people using your own value system and your own perspectives, but try to put yourself in their position. Its not as simple as it appears. It is so easy to judge, it is much more difficult to truly think about what has led to our society to this point and why more isn’t being done to prevent these situations from happening.

Frankly, I just hope you and your husband are not raising children. FIRST, there are laws on the books to prevent older men and women from taking advantage of younger people. Sorry, but it may take two to have sex, but it takes just one older, brighter, more manipulative person to talk many youngsters into things they are not emotionally and physically ready for. That makes many of these "tangos" a CRIME.

In many states, sex with anyone under the age of 15 (when the other person is 18 or older) is what used to be known as "statutory rape." Now it has many different legal names, but it's still the same. Adults (age 18 and older) can't use the excuse of NOT knowing the law to justify their actions with underage KIDS. I don't care how many times a pre-teen or young teen says YES to sex with an adult. It's up to the ADULT to say NO and leave that youngster alone! That's what decent adults do!!!

Perhaps if you had children, you would understand VERY CLEARLY that girls and boys pre-teen to young teenage years are EASILY sweet talked into things they should  not do. Is it their faults? Of course not...they are immature kids, just the way God intended them to be. It's up to the ADULTS to control themselves and not take advantage of younger people. Those who do are SCUM and they should be prosecuted under the law.

Sorry, but you and hubby need an attitude adjustment. You both should want children/teens PROTECTED...morally and legally!

Let me see if I have this straight. The girls (both "only" 15 years old) took a part in all this. Yes, I agree with you. Taking responsibility, yes I agree, and having unforced sex in "most" cases, again, I support that statement. But, you do say that "people" need to take responsibility for their own behavior. The girls (a reminder: both are "only" 15 years old) could have said "no", but the fact is, is that they did not.

Here's my delimma. Please enlighten me. The gentlemen (say that very loosely) involved are well into their adulthood. One of them is 34 years old.  A 15 year old girl, a minor/a child, runs away to be with him. I suppose I could enter the laws regarding criminal sexual conduct 3rd degree (or statutory rape), harboring a runaway, and I'm sure I could find other laws/penal codes but it's not going to be necessary.

I suppose I could also argue that a mature 15 year old girl, with maybe some reservation, would probably decide (or as you say  "choice") against having sex with her same age boyfriend; and  less reservation to have sex with a 34 year old man. This 15 year old girl probably knows what is right and what is not right for her. AND, she knows the potential consequences for having sex at such a young age or for running away to be with a 34 year old man. She realizes she's too young. Smart girl. But, even the most mature 15 year old girl can make a mistake that may have long standing repurcussions attached to it.

Sad to say, not ALL 15 year old girls are very mature or even just plain mature. Either way, in general, 15 year old girls have not yet developed the ability to make such decisions and definitely don't fully realize the impact of making such a decision. They are not fully grown. These girls may know "exactly" what they are doing, but these girls are not suppose to know the full results of their actions and that it will affect others as well.  If they did know the full impact, they'd be very, very, mature 15 year old girls and would not have allowed it to go as far as it did. They are still children. Innocent ones, too. No matter how much they made their own "choice" they made them as children, first, and people second. 

Please, understand this. I DO NOT condone their behavior.  Somewhere, somehow, these girls were misguided and taken advantage of because they were just children. Somebody fed these girls a line of persuasiveness to their vulnerabilities and  that lead them to believe that these guys would love and take care of them. These girls happen to believe them.

Now, as for these predators, you guys screwed up, royally. I have no sympathy for you. You made a "conscious" choice. Justice, I hope, will prevail.

Oh yeah, it takes two to tango. But for now, lets keep this "tango" thing between two consenting adults. Kids are already havin' a difficult time keepin' up with the latest dance craze.  Peace to y'all.

I totally agree with you.These kids are just spoil and need some parents that will stand their ground.