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October 17, 2006, 7:19 am PDT
What was he like before you were married?
Quote From: sunnyandcherI have read the posts and must say I am quite shocked at some of the responses! I knew that Nathan and I had problems but didn't think they were so out of control! Looking from the outside in, I can see the issue of control. Nathan doesn't see it as a problem, he says he doesn't want to control the money or budget but that I force him to. We don't make the same amount of money, so it wouldn't be fair to split bills down the middle. I work full time, take care of my 6 year old, and clean the house! Maybe I should get a bill together for all the housework I do and present it to Nathan. We have yet to sit down and go over a budget together! I told him that we have to get back into counseling before our marriage is over. Thanks for all of your support. Hello, Luv!
Many women(men) think they can change the 'intended' once they are married. But, by the time a man or woman is marriageable, behavior patterns are set............or there'd be no business for the shrinks. What's more, people ALWAYS tell you who they are, and you should listen, listen, listen. The hormone thingie passes, and what's left is business. What that business entails, should be worked out before the dotted line is signed. Too late for that now.
If you love this man, then make all efforts to gain counseling together. If he refuses, that's a clue. We have one life, we should seek it to be fulfilled.
I don't know if your problem is real or imagined by Nathan, but HE MOST CERTAINLY has a problem with control. You're not his puppet on his string, you're an equal partner, with equal responsibilities and equal opportunities when it comes to decisions. He needs someone to help him grow up, but that won't be you. Get some help for yourself if he refuses to go to counseling with you, and make him an offer he can't refuse or, hopefully, won't.
Some time ago someone figured out how much the 'master of house' would pay in wages if he had to reimburse for everything the 'drudge/wife' does for him in the home. Nathan would not be a happy camper if you were to start charging him.
So, luv, take charge of YOUR life, look at all the angles and make your move. Life goes by so fast.
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