Replies to 'Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators'

I know that this was posted a while ago but I thought I would share something. I myself am a Sub in the BDSM community. What is going on with your niece is not uncommon. Her "masters" are not allowing her to call at all hours of the night because they want her to trust them but because that's the way it works, slaves do NOTHING without speaking to their masters. Any responsible Master however will not take advantage of your niece. I have worked with children and adults with mental disabilities, and in MY opinion, this lifestyle isn't really well suited for some with mental disablities. The thing is you are part of the family, but you SERVE them, and you are punished when you disobey. Mentally this takes some inner strength and of course it takes understanding. I've even talked to people with ADHD who say they have trouble in the BDSM community, who say they tend to have a lot of trouble because they can't focus, i couldn't imagine doing it with a mental disability. Also I just want to mention that while some people feel we are "born this way" others realize we were "made this way" out of abuse in the past, or rape, or other things. For consenting adults sometimes it can be a good thing, however I would be concerned about your neice. Many Masters don't work with "safe words" or "safe calls" (which the 'safe call' I've never even heard of). I know that you can't do anything about it, because she's 22 years old, but if it were me, I would ask her if you could speak to her Masters. Another thing is that she's gotten herself in with a couple. That's hard on anyone. Having two masters is HARD. I agree with the person who said have an HONEST conversation with her. In general it isn't a dangerous relationship, however; I believe in this case any responsible subs and masters would advise against it. I hope that helps. Please feel free to contact me if you have any specific questions.

 realize that this question is far too old for this advice to be of any use to the OP, but on the off chance that someone else comes here with a similar problem, I thought I would attempt to offer my advice.

Firstly, I have been on the internet the better part of a decade, from it's public inception all the way till now in an unbroken trend. I have never met a predator, and I have never spoken to anyone who HAS met a predator. I have never met anyone who had met a predator. I was 12 when I first started using the internet. I have been in chat rooms, participated very actively in message boards, and spent more time in online gaming than I care to admit. I am not aware of any method of internet based communication that I have not engaged in on a regular basis. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people to one extent or another, I have never met anyone who I would even suspect of being a predator. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people, I have not so much as met anyone who mentioned having met someone who they suspected even for a second of being a predator. Now, if those 7500 people talked to 250 people each in there time on the internet, we have brought our count all the way up to 1875000 people as a conservative estimate. The odds seem unlikely that Dateline and Perverted Justice have THAT much more luck in finding predators than I do, to where they can spend less than a year doing so and manage to find however many hundreds they claim. My point in all this is that these predators that have sprung up all over network news are so uncommon as to unbelievable. Just because Dateline invents people, and Perverted Justice frames them, doesn't mean that there is some great looming threat to American children.

Once we have gotten over that hurdle, and your arguement does extend well beyond the issue of internet-based sexual predators, we are faced with what is argueably a far greater issue, at least in the individual case with which we are confronted. That issue is of her age and developmental age. There is no such thing as a learning disability which will set ones developmental age back. A learning disability is simply a disability which makes ones academics, usually in a certain area, sink below their IQ and therefor their potential ability level. It seems to me that if you were given that diagnosis you should attempt to convince her to seek other testing and possibly treatment immediately. That being said, and I do not mean to offend, it is far more likely that you have simply misinterpreted information at some stage between the psychoanylyst and your current belief. It therefor stands to reason that she is probably 22 developmentally as well as physically. This means that she is an adult, in body mind and spirit.

The issue that seems to be at the core of this, and forgive me if I am wrong, is a basic distaste for BDSM. You feel that she is being taken advantage of because she is submitting to their will. You feel that her entering into their marraige is unhealthy, that she is being used as a sexual object. I will not expound the virtues of a BDSM relationship here, as that is very much a subject which one could write a book about. I am, in fact, writing a book about the subject as we speak. That being said, if I were you, or anyone, I would look in to some information gathering. Find a good book on the emotional context of BDSM.

As for the suggestion that someone who is mentally handicapped is a poor candidate for a BDSM practitioner, that is something like saying they are poor candidates for relationships in general. It may be true, although in this case I very much disagree with that basic premise, but to deny ones self is far more damaging. It is concievable, if we assume that she is developmentally delayed, that she is not yet ready. It is probably not a good idea for a 16 year old to become a slave to a pair of masters vastly her senior.

I would agree that the best thing to do would be to speak to her. Ask if she minds your speaking to her masters. (I would suggest researching first, speaking second; attempting to deal with a delicate situation like this takes tact, and tact springs directly from understanding) If she says know, then remember that no matter how old she is developmentally she is still 22 and you cannot MAKE her do anything. A wise man once said "A wise parent will seek to become a trusted advisor, so that they may continue to impart their experience to their child as their absolute power fades." Do not drive her away by going behind her back - there are hundreds of masters and mistresses, just because you can drive her away from this couple doesn't mean it will take her a full week to find another one. If you take a tactful approach to your conversation with her masters, with her blessing, I am sure that they will consider the merits of your arguement highly. As was said, BDSM is completely about SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consentual) and that means that, particularly from the perspective of a master, responsibility is key.