Replies to '09/07 Dark Family Secrets'

Im not really afraid to find a therapist. Its almost like I would be prying the lid of a cemented coffin. When I have opened up to people, I have often been met with misunderstanding or ridicule. The past only impedes me from trusting people. I do have serious trust issues, and when people get to know me, they learn that as well as learn that I dont get close, and I hurt them in opening up only enough for them to see the scar but not enough to let them in. They may not know the cause of the scar, only  they are wary because I essentially say nonverbally "look here see my scar see what  has happened to me? Now get away from me because I wont let you scar me too. " And most of these people are good people who want to be my friend who want to care, but I dont let them. THe small few who havent been put off by this, accept this about me, and chastise me only when I do not turn to them when I am in real need. But I do not turn to people for help, unless it is my last possible option, and I do it begrudgingly an apologetically. As though I am supposed to be supergirl.  I know this is because of my past relationships. The funny thing is I feel other peoples needs and I want to help them and I volunteer all the time.  I am currently feeling the pull to go back home to the gulf coast to help out there, and I plan to do so as soon as I can. I am a military spouse and the life suits me because I get to be strong for the whole family when Daddy is deployed. I have so much to give, and I can be open to give, just not when people need to show me they love me. I cant need... does that make any sense?