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October 19, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

Self Image

Quote From: mother2all

i am a 37 yr. old mother of two and wife. all my life i wanted a boy and a girl, and on my first date with my husband i knew i wanted him in my life 4ever,  my dreams came true and we will be married 18 years on oct.22. all my prayers were answered so i have always given to my family and my wants and needs have always come last. i don't buy myself anything bcuz i feel so guilty bcuz i feel like my kids or my husband need things more. i was always a happy go lucky person but that is fadeing and my self image sucks. i don't have any real cothes i am losing my hair due to stress and almost 4 years ago i had gastric bypass surgery thinking it would help me feel better about myself, boy was i wrong. my body is oddly shaped and my self esteem is in the dumps and i am losing the fight with my son who is adhd and bi-polar so i don't have the energy to do anything with my self, all i do is cry and wonder why my husband stays with me when i know he could do better and am i a embarresment to my kids. i just wonder if i will ever be happy again physicaly or spiritually.
There is hope!!  I know it doesn't seem like it but there is.....  There is always a hope even when we can't see it.  i know have a hard time holding on to that, we all do but hope never dies even if we think it does.  It's one of those things that even if you think it is gone it's still there but you can't see it....... hmmmm yeah.......  i'm guessing maybe your a christian since you said spiritually. The reason i can say this about hope is because one time when i thought i would never hope again God reminded me that He is Hope and when I lose hope i have forgotten who He is.  I hate to hope for things but I just always remember whether I hope for things or not Hope is still alive because God is still alive and by ourside!!  when i think of how i bellieve those things i often wonder how am i stuck here why am i like this what's my problem........  we can know, believe and ask for things but it's not untill we are willing and ready to accept/recieve those things that we will see.......  It's not about seeing to believe but believing to see.......  ya know........  it's just not easy!!  it is so painful only some of us like myself hide from the pain as if it weren't there.....  but still i know no matter how much i hide it doesn't just go away...........  search your heart, what does your heart say.......... 
 


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