Replies to '06/01 Home Wreckers'

YOu are sooo right! usually if a person is looking for something outside of the marriage it usually means that something is lacking

Where do you get this "others from the outside".  There are no outsiders.  They are talking about someone's ex's tearing apart their relationship/marriage.  Did you really not get that from the preview... hello.

I have seen plenty of marriages sabotaged by ex's.  They make life a living hell because they don't realize that they are not married to that person anymore and they still try to run that person's life.  That is a hard thing for their partner to deal with and if makes it ten times more difficult when there are kids involved.

I used to think YOUR way until I watched my friend go thru her divorce!

Everything seemed so great between them. He even gave her "I love you" cards right up until the week he left. All the while he was sleeping with THEIR so-called friend and had been for three years. Additionally, he was diverting money from her IRA into his own pocket...apparently saving up for the FUTURE Mrs.

It DOES NOT take two people to wreck a marriage unless you are talking about the guilty spouse and the mistress (etc)! There is NEVER an excuse for turning outside of the marriage and not trying to work on things. This particular man (he doesn't even deserved to be called a man) was planning his exist for three years, all the while sweet-talking his wife while he diverted cash so he and his new wife would have it plenty (they married just 5 months after the divorce).

Things may not be GREAT in a marriage, but that doesn't mean that it takes two people to wreck it. One person can do TONS of damage and REFUSE to work on the marriage to make it better. And some are sneaky and manipulative like the man I mention...the same man who used his kids as pawns by threatening to go for full custody if my friend even tried to get what she was entitled to from the marriage (one of the homes, alimony until she found her first job and finished the schooling HE wanted her to get, etc).

Don't be so quick to share the blame. Sometimes one person is 99% at fault while the other shares just 1% of it!

I disagree.  I've been married for thirty years, most of them happy, but there were a couple of rocky years. Marriage does not occur in a vaccuum and no marriage, except those in fairytales, exist as Happily Ever After.  Marriages have ups and downs. Marriages have vulnerable moments.  Forces like job loss, death, illness will happen to two people who are just mortal and trying to figure it all out.  At these times, people outside the marriage can support a marriage or hurt it. No other woman (or man) can wreck a marriage alone but they sure can contribute.

I agree with you to some extent...a solid relationship between husband and wife can not be broken by outsiders...HOWEVER, if there is any hidden insecurities or unchecked feelings on the part of either part...an outsider can drive a truck thru a pin hole.

Just my two cents:)

I think in cases of infidelity it shouldn't be referred to as a neglected marriage.  Sometimes one spouse doesn't have a choice in the matter.  In my case, my husband of 10 years was cheating on me for 8 years on and off with the same woman and I had no idea.  Our friends and family were just as shocked when this was discovered.  I mention that because we had a MARRIAGE.  It's full of ups and downs.   I never dreamed we would end up divorced.     I don't blame myself.  I blame HIM mostly but also HER.  Looking back now at all the hang up calls and loose weight fliers on my car, to name a few, she made my life hell.  What happened to RESPECT  and MORALS?  I'm a true believer in WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND! 

Now it 's been 1 years since we divorced and we have a nice "friendship".  We both put our son first and make sure he is emotionally sound. 

As for his mistress, she was in the picture for a while and was even around my son!    I made my feelings known to my ex and we discussed our expectations.  I was sick to my stomach every time I knew my son would be around her but never let him know it. 

I think Mothers have a responsibility to be honest with their children but the children don't need to know why and how their marriage to their father didn't work out.    I come from a divorced home and both parents bad mouthed the other and it only made me feel insecure.  Children need to know they can TRUST and COUNT ON at least their Mom and Dad.

I think Dr. Phil should have questioned T.J. more.  He appeared to be a control freak.  What was with the bowing he did to the daughter too?  I wanted to smack him!