Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

 Your sadness comes through your post and touches my heart. I spent a good deal of my life "in the corner" also. Take your time with Self Matters. Sometimes the memories can be difficult, and sometimes we need help with them from a professional. If this is the case, don't hesitate to ask for the help you deserve. Congratulations on 50 years of marriage and all of your children, I hope to accomplish as much as you have when I get where you are in life.

I too found the first half of the book very very painful. But I stuck it out because somewhere in the beginning a couple of things registered in my head.

1. That in a year's time I will either be in the same place (unhappy and living a unfulfilling life) or I will have moved on to finding peace within my heart and soul.
2. That if I have painful memories, that means they are still running my life and until I face that pain and bring closure at long last, I will never be at peace.

When I did SELF MATTERS, what I discovered was that I was traumized at 8 years old.  It was the 1st time I had ever ever experienced a major life event that lasted for nearly a year.

 

It started the day before Easter when my sister got hit by a car and nearly died. Later, I joined a dance school which is my soul and 1 day the teacher said I was terrible and then I never went back (I thought I had been thrown out of school because I was so bad) and then that summer I was molested by 2 neighborhood teenage boys and then we had to move and then move again.  What made it worse was that at Sunday School I was told:  Bad things happen to evil people.  I took that as my truth.

 

The reality was:  My parents had to sell the house to pay the medical bills and I didn't go back to dance school because of the bills not because I was a terrible dancer!  When I moved the 1st school, I lost my friends and I was placed into a public school system where I was more advanced in Math than they were.  With learning difficulites, I got lost and never felt comfortable doing addition or subtraction.  And what that woman should have said was:  Bad things happen to good people by bad people.

 

When I realized all that had happened to me - I was so shocked by it.  No wonder I was screwed up!  If I hadn't been molested, I still would have been screwed up! 

 

Don't be afraid of what you will discover.  If you are still living in your past and those memories are still painful, then it's controlling how you live.

 

I have never been so peaceful or comfortable in my life.  It's like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Also know that once you have completed Self Matters, you can be a teacher to your children in  a way that will help them all adjust to life events better.

 

The 2nd half of the book is fabulous.  I choose to tackle a long time dream of learning to sew because I knew that I had some really negative tapes going on.  But it was a goal that I could easily sit down and write what I needed to do/learn/practice.  It helped me to adopt the tools into my every day life.

 

I would also suggest that if you get so anxious, maybe you should try meditation or BREATHING techniques to help you thru those periods.  I used Dr. Lawlis' WT LOSS cd's - I got one of the earliest sets so I was able to play it when I went to bed at night.  It was so cool!  He tells you that you are a wonderful person and that you deserve the very very best.  It was so amazing - I actually became addicted to them - especially the 1st one -- cause never before had I been told that I was a good person.