|
October 26, 2006, 3:03 am PDT
I don't think you're crazy at all.
Quote From: airforcemomI have been married for 32 years, Spring of 2005 my husband started acting strange and very moody. This continued until the end of Sept. when he would not touch me. I would ask what was wrong and he would just say nothing. I was pretty sure he was cheating but I could not prove it and he was still denying. In Dec he was back to his normal self. I tried to talk to him and he would not say one word about the women. Well July of this year he was with her again and I knew for sure so I confronted him and he did finally admitted to cheating but it wasn't affair. He still would not say anything about who, when, how long. He refuses to talk about it. We were going to get a divorce but he asked to try and work this out. We are now in counseling but he will not discuss anything at all about her. The only thing he said was she is single and she knew he was married. I did some checking on my own so I know who she is and where she lives about 2 hours away from us. They sometimes work together but I never know when. He says that the "just sex" is over and it won't happen again but I'm having a hard time trusting that. I want to deal with all the pain and anger to somehow find away to come to terms with the cheating but he isn't giving me any info. His excuse is I'm going to believe what I want to believe regardless of what he says. I know most people will think I crazy for even trying to work this out but I'm not the type to give up when something bad happens. Anyone have any ideas on how to get him to talk or am I fighting a losing battle? 32 years is a lot to throw away, I commend you for trying to work this out. You have many questions for him obviously and he does need to come clean with you however you do not need all of the sordid details. I think too many details will hurt you more in the long run. I remember a few women on this board wanted every single detail, what was said, how many times, where did you go, what music did you play etc.... When they received those details they wished they never had - it was just too much information fot them to handle. They couldn't get rid of all that information in the healing process, it kept replaying in the back of their minds over and over again. Does he need to be open and honest with you, absolutely. But don't ask for all those small details. I would tell him in therapy that if he wants to try and save this marriage, he needs to help you along in the process or your resentments, anger and questions will never fade. He needs to "play" by your rules now so that you can begin to heal and trust him again. Trust will not come overnight, he needs to prove himself to you and one way he can do this is by being open and honest with you right now and until..................... He needs to live his life right now as an open book.
|
