Replies to 'Spanking: Useful or Cruel?'

 You have a good head on your shoulders and amazing wisdom for your age.  I'm sorry for what you have went through but keep your head up, do your best and don't ever give up.  Keep your goals in close sight.  My childhood was similar and I struggled for a long time with life.  But with many years of counseling I am finally finding my way out of the tunnel.  It's good that you are starting to realize how what had happened to you is affecting you and you are getting help to try and put the pieces back together.  Good luck!

I am sorry for what happened to you. abuse is a terrible thing and unfortunetly it happens to alot of children whether they are spanked or not. Abuse definetly comes in many forms and all parents/adults need to realize this and just becasue one may not spank their children does not mean they are not capable of abusing their children. Also not every one who was abused as a child become abusers and for that I am thankful. Coming from an abusive background myself, I understand how it can affect a person even into their adult lives. I think whether a parent spanks or not, they need to ask themselves if the discipline they are using is effective in teaching and guiding their children. I for one believes in love and discipline and becasue I know my children and want the very best for them, I have found things that work to help them to make the right choices, I am one who has made mistakes with my children and not afraid to admit it but the discipline techniques that I use in my home is working and I thank God daily for the wonderful, well mannered children that I am blessed with. They are loved and happy and how they respond to me, and others and how they act within their own environments, says alot on what goes on in our home, How I treat my children in public is how I treat them at home for I know that my children are loved and well cared for, and thankfully I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Parents who abuse their children are a disgrace to society as well as to other parents, they certainly do give a bad name to parenting. Kids who drop out of school and/or on drugs are usually kids from unstable homes as well as one parent homes, How they view life in general and sometimes peer pressure is the reason why some go this direction, attitude definetly plays a part in all this as well and definetly kids from abusive homes will go this direction and of course what some views as abuse is different then what others think so of course spanking could be viewed as abuse by some so they decide on the negative way of life. Whatever the case, There are definetly many forms of abuse and I believe that how we view our child hoods could determine how we live our lives as adults. For me personally, as a victim of abuse, I chose to be different, I dealt with it and chose a different path for my life, I will never ever abuse my children, they will always know that they are loved. When my 4 year old comes to me and tells me that she loves me and that she is happy that God chose me for her mommy, and when she tells her teachers at church that she has the best mommy in the world, and when she is drawing her little pictures and it shows a happy family, then I know that I am doing a good job. Doesn't sound like you had this kind of love and respect in your home and that makes me sad as I know exactly how you feel. But you can live a completely different kind of life and not follow those foot steps, strive to be the best that you can be in life and make the right decissions for you and your future family. Life is good and many things in this life can damage our children, I personally pray and ask God for His guidance and wisdom in raising my children, for He is the greatest source out there and I can honestly say that my children are growing and maturing in great ways and I will continue to pray that they will always feel the love and care that is in our home and that they will make the right choices for their lives. My prayers and thoughts are with you as you deal with your hurt, abuse and as you think about your future. Don't let the abuse destroy your life as some do. I agree that abuse takes a toll on children, as it certainly did me, but thankfully I had wonderful christian mentors who loved and cared for me and I was smart enough to reach out and get the help that I needed and I did the work to heal and I am now a successful wife and mother with an education and great life. How we communicate and respond to our children will definetly leave an impact on our children and this is why we do the things we do in our home, we are communicators and discipliarians here and we listen to each other, we work together as a family and this is why we are a well put together family and why the love shines in our home. Not perfect but loving and caring.