Replies to '12/26 Cheating Disasters'

 Been there done that, and i would,nt do it again. In my last long term relationship, the woman ( i would,nt give her the satisfaction of calling her a lady) had what i,d call commitment problems. Not only did they manifest themselves in the relationship, but also throughout her life. Being in a job she did,nt like for years, never letting go of past relationships, and always hedging her bets with other possibilities whilst paying lip service to commitment. personally i feel people who do this, generally have low self esteem and can be very manipulative, always looking for some one somewhere to pander to their needs. She suffered from depression too and years of counselling made not a blind bit of difference. Her parents did much the same behavioural stuff as well , so perhaps a case of monkey see monkey do, When i finnally got fed up with it, and met someone else, she came crying and begging for me to stay and make it work with endless promises, and i love you letters, and please , please give me this chance phone calls. Which, stupidly i did for a while. Only to discover that at the same time she had joined a dating agency in secret, and had caught up with an ex boyfriend whilst on holiday. Sure she did,nt tell lies when she was found out, but thats not the point is it.  Just one of those people that get through life by their "looks", with little else to offer.

Would i ever go back, and would i do the same again in similar circumstances. NO way, i,d tell them whoever it was to hit the road. leopards, dont change their spots in my opinion, so look for past patterns is what i leaned from that. Once a cheat always a cheat. Lack of commitment i think also seems to have spin offs in other areas of these peoples lives as well. NO second chance is where i,d stand. The one lesson i did learn from it, was what did it say about me to be in a relationship with that sort of person in the first place, Always an interesting question to ask.

It is sad that nowadays you hear a lot of baby-boomers going through separation and/or divorced after so many years of being married.  I am a baby-boomer and was married for 28 years also and I had an affair.  During the marriage, I have learned to cope and live with my ex-'s alcoholism and diabetes.  However, I found myself looking forward to our retirement years and how it was going to be the same - hardly any sexual relationship.  I wish we had heard of Viagra sooner!  It is sad to note that my ex and I became best friends and had closer relationship AFTER the divorce.  When my ex was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2004 and went for surgery in 2005, I flew to California and literally stayed and took care of him for 2 months.  Unfortunately, he did not bounce back from surgery and passed away exactly 2 months after the surgery. Darn those HMO doctors!  To this date, I still miss my ex and I regret sincerely not uttering the words 'I love you' during my stay with him.

What?  "What galls me the most is that the "Other women" never seem to give a dam. It's all about them and what they want. "

Give your head a shake.  I am responsible only for MY behavior, not another persons.  It is all about them?  What about your husband?  He was walking down the street and found himself in another woman's arms and had nothing to do with it?

The other woman is a symptom and not the problem.  The problem is your marriage, and that there is something wrong with it.  Notice that I did not say there is something wrong with you, just with the marriage.  It takes two people to make a marriage work, and if one checks out and does not want to do the work, then there is nothing the other partner can do about it.

Now before you jump all over me, my ex had an affair.  I took him back, oh woe is me.  Hindsight is great, I should have booted the bum out.  I had two more children with him, and I moved into a battered womens' shelter.  The fabulous thing to come out of that marriage is my three children. 

And I have me back

Presently, I am the other woman. Is it about all about me and what I want?  No, it is not. I have had many conversations with my lover, and now the decision is up to him.  And I do give a damn.