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Replies to '12/26 Cheating Disasters'
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October 29, 2006, 7:55 am PST
 Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. It is difficult to say the least to get to the place where you were when you told your daughter's husband about the situation she told you about in confidence - it is obvious that all of you have a three ring circus going, and are enjoying the fracas - still, it is fair to assume that you are the adult here - you need to butt out and get your daughter to a women's shelter or something where she can get mature and reasonable advice on how to deal with this guy - what would you tell yourself if this situation did result in suicide or murder, etc? get real! if you are a woman, you should be ashamed - if you are a man, you should be ashamed - very interesting interactions here that I am sure Dr. Phil could explain in either case - still - go back to the nursery rhymes and read about Humpty Dumpty - geez.......... |
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October 29, 2006, 11:14 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. Not sure how you managed to convince yourself that this was yours to take care of instead of your daughters place - but shame on you!
Shame on you for betraying your daughters confidence and shame on you for creating such a mess.
You strike me as a controlling person who creates havoc. The first respondant was dead on.
Best thing you can do for your daughter at this point is to apologize to both she and your son in law for sticking your nose where it does not belong and butt out. This is your DAUGHTERS marriage and not your own. Your daughter needs to stand on her own two feet and get away from her co-dependence upon you. You are stunting her - can't you see that? Dr. Phil - where are you!! |
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October 29, 2006, 3:53 pm PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. Wow...so your daughter cheated on her husband who was already emotionally and mentally fragile? Your daughter CHEATS, she gets in bed with and orgasms with another man, and you have the nerve to call her husband names? She should have left him, divorced him and got on with her life instead of cheating on him. The mess is on your daughters hands, not yours. I think you should remove your nose from their business and get on with YOUR life. |
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October 31, 2006, 6:41 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. I think you telling her husband was such a bad idea. It's too late now, so now you have to deal with the mess you created. Next time, think before you speak. |
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October 31, 2006, 8:02 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. <i>She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband.</i> You did wrong. Your interference was just flat wrong. It was not your place to tell him, and you clearly have problems with appropriate boundaries with your daughter as well. You didn't do anything for anyone but yourself, making yourself a star in a family drama. There is a nasty name for this kind of behaviour, but maybe you are capable of some insight and change. When your daughter began to relate her adventure to you, the only appropriate response, is "Jen, honey, I don't want to hear about it. You need to work these issues out with your husband and/or yourself. This isn't my business and I don't want you to make it my business" |
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October 31, 2006, 8:42 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. I understand your daughter made a mistake, but a REAL man never would have left her in a bar by herself. You should call the police on him next time he gets out of control like that. I would get your daughter a restraining order against him. She should file for divorce and if she decides she wants to stay with him, she can have the court order counseling so he will have to go. Since there is a child involved she needs to call the police so there is proof and report on what happened. That way if divorce comes along her way, she will a good chance for Custody. The child is most important at this point. |
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October 31, 2006, 9:33 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. You should not have told your daughter's abusive, porn watching. suicidal husband that she cheated on him. You just gave him more amunition to continue his abusive ways. I think all you did was add gasoline to an already volatile relationship. He feels now he has a total right. Yes you do have a mess on your hands. I hope she does not have children with this monster. It will be easier for her to totally separate from him. I fear for the safety of your daughter. She needs to get as far away from him as possible. Is there a place in another state where she can go to live? |
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October 31, 2006, 10:49 am PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. So you must have a pretty sick relationship with your daughter that you would violate her confidence in you by telling her husband something so devistating. Regardless of the emotional state your daughter was in she was wrong to do what she did but it was her cross to bear, not yours. There are many more productive ways you could have offered support and guidance to her. If you were my mom I'd certainly not be living with you. As for his behaviour why are you passing judgement on him when you are the one that set the wheels in motion? He clearly has emotional issues and maybe their marriage wasn't in the best shape but he is HER husband, it is THEIR marriage to work on or end no yours. |
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October 31, 2006, 12:23 pm PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. I’m just curious to know, why did you feel it was your place to tell your son in law that your daughter had an affair, knowing that he is unstable? It wasn’t your place to tell him this information. Your daughter was feeling badly about what happened and she confided in you, and your loyalty should have been with her. Not to cover for her or lie, but to guide her towards the making the right decision. Instead, you made the decision for her, and now you find yourself in the middle of a mess. You and/or your daughter should not hesitate to call the police when he is destroying property; at this point, it has nothing to do with the cheating. He is full of rage and he isn’t going to stop until he is forced to stop. I’m just curious, if you had it to do over again, would you have made a different decision? |
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October 31, 2006, 2:28 pm PST
Quote From: debhgn My daughter recently had a one night stand with a guy who works with her husband. They were out at a bar one night, her husband wanted to go home and go to bed, he left her there with his friend and figured she was in good hands. This is absolutely totally out of character for her to have done this. Completely opposite of what she believes and stands for. She lost a baby just a few short weeks prior to this incident and had lost her grandfather just 2 months prior to that. She told me about it the very next day and I decided that I needed to tell her husband. Many factors played a part in my deciding to do this, but one was that he has tried to commit suicie on more than once occasion and I felt that he needed to find this out in a "controlled enviorment" so to speak. They have been separated for 4 weeks now, she is living with me. For the first couple of weeks he was very upset as expected. He then started to examine how this could have happened and actually got over it for a few days, long enough for them to take a mini vacation together. Then suddenly out of the blue he turned into a raging bull. He has torn their home all to peices, even tried to burn it down. Holes in the wall, if it was glass it's now broken, and even cutting down some trees that her beloved grandfather had gotten her prior to his death. He has done several thousand dollars worth of damage to the home. As for her husband, he is a 30 year old child, she is 25. He has tried to commit suicide twice, he has a very bad porn addiction, he is controlling and unloving and selfish. She has lost all self esteem that she had prior to her marriage to him, has a low self image, and has become depressed. She has lost all respect or desire for him because of his porn addiction. She says it makes her sick to her stomach. He has taken this opportunity to unleash terror on her and everyone around. He now feels he has the total right and actually duty to inflict his rage at anytime on anyone. In fact when he tried to burn down the house and she threaten to call the police he was outraged to think she would call the police on him since it was her that cheated. I too am interested in this up coming show and feedback from the members here. I have a mess on my hands and don't know where to turn. What kind of character he is - as you said - depressed, low self-image, unloving, etc - I don't think that he is at fault here. The root of this is your daughter's unfaithfulness.
Because of her adultery it made her husband who he is now. She broke his heart.
If your husband was cheating on another woman, I believe you will be angry as well. Everyone has different ways to express that anger.
I know that as a mother, you will love your daughter more than him and that you will support her. But if you are trying to make excuses to make her cheating right. You will demoralized your own daughter and she will always do that next time whenever she can't handle a relationship.
I believe that it is best if you didn't tell him that she's cheating. You should be more sensitive the degree of painfulness knowing that your spouse is betraying your trust.
I think he will live better off without your adulterous daughter. I will tell him "cheater will be cheater" you better find someone who really loves you of who you are. |
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