Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

My ex (25 year marriage ended due to his emotional and physical abuse) is remarried for two years. Yesterday he handed me a note inviting me to his new home for Thanksgiving and demanded an immediate answer. I used work as a delay until I could think this through better.

My reservations are:

It could make our kids uncomfortable. (son 28 married with 4 grands, daughter 25 special needs, and daughter 14) I know if I was in their shoes I'd feel placed in the middle..... not wanting to hurt either parent inadvertently. But, with us both in the room all day...... very stifling IMHO.

I, myself, am highly uncomfortable to have this gathering on HIS turf. It would be easier if we all met at a restaurant (neutral ground).

Old issues.... but, he's never acknowledged or apologized for abusing me. He says all the bruises to my heart and body were because I was stupid, etc. I have a difficult time considering socializing with him. I have always (for the kids) been congenial throughout..... but, I am afraid I'd feel forced into a corner with this being at his home. And why does he even want me there after all the times he has told me I am not even welcome in my son's home if he is visiting there? And my poor daughters..... he only allows them to attend family holidays AFTER everyone else has eaten the meal.... then (only then) is their brother allowed to go get them from my home.... and then they are allowed (by their father) to eat leftovers alone at the table. Yes, he is a sick, sick  man.

Anyway, input appreciated regarding whether I should even consider attending.......

My ex (25 year marriage ended due to his emotional and physical abuse) is remarried for two years. Yesterday he handed me a note inviting me to his new home for Thanksgiving and demanded an immediate answer. I used work as a delay until I could think this through better.

My reservations are:

It could make our kids uncomfortable. (son 28 married with 4 grands, daughter 25 special needs, and daughter 14) I know if I was in their shoes I'd feel placed in the middle..... not wanting to hurt either parent inadvertently. But, with us both in the room all day...... very stifling IMHO.

I, myself, am highly uncomfortable to have this gathering on HIS turf. It would be easier if we all met at a restaurant (neutral ground).

Old issues.... but, he's never acknowledged or apologized for abusing me. He says all the bruises to my heart and body were because I was stupid, etc. I have a difficult time considering socializing with him. I have always (for the kids) been congenial throughout..... but, I am afraid I'd feel forced into a corner with this being at his home. And why does he even want me there after all the times he has told me I am not even welcome in my son's home if he is visiting there? And my poor daughters..... he only allows them to attend family holidays AFTER everyone else has eaten the meal.... then (only then) is their brother allowed to go get them from my home.... and then they are allowed (by their father) to eat leftovers alone at the table. Yes, he is a sick, sick  man.

Anyway, input appreciated regarding whether I should even consider attending.......