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Replies to 'Repairing Broken Relationships'
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September 9, 2005, 10:39 am PDT
 Quote From: mommyto4 I lie to most all the time to my hubby. About us...he's a 30 year old, stay at home dad of 4. I'm 23, and I work a full time job and pt job to pay the bills (not making nearly enough money). He asks when we are going to get ahead, and in my denial and fear of upsetting him, i always tell him what he wants to hear...this month huni. I'm tired of seeing us nothing but depressed. I cheer us up by telling him, we'll have a car soon, we'll have extra money soon. I see that he knows i'm lying now, but how to tell him that i'm just bullsh*tting him, so that he remains happy. I've done this from the beginning of our relationship. I thought I could do it all, but I just can't. I work in a commission based job during the day, in which i do not see my commissions, because they are going toward obtaining a business. I get a base rate of $10, but with prices the way they are these days, that's like minimum wage. I also work a pt job making $7.30, but i only get a few hours so the checks aren't really worth the time i miss from my family. I just want to be straight forward with him, but i know it will bring us down! If i keep lying I may lose him...What can i do? You need to ask yourself some serious questions: Why is it up to you to make everyone else happy? What makes YOU happy? Why do you have to do this all by yourself? Why would you "lose him" (your words) by being honest... after all, these are only facts you are speaking of, for example, the wages that you earn. Why would he leave you about that... you can't make the wage higher, thats out of your control! Be honest with yourself. There are solutions to your situation, you've got to open up your minds, both of you, in order to pull through these hard times. Its honorable that your husband is a stay at home father. Is it possible that he could get a second shift job that pays more then your second shift job, this way you can be home more and he can get out more? His depression isn't only due to lack of money, its also due to lack of connection/contact with other people out in the world. Having a job, even a part time one, can help fulfill that need. It will give you time to be home with your children, there are things that they need from you that they can't get from dad. No child can get all their needs met from one parent. This must be very difficult for you, its obvious that you feel torn, but you don't need to do this to yourself. There is no need to be a martyr. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in life, and you do not deserve to live with these feelings of doom all the time! No wonder you are depressed. You need to be gentle with yourself. You can't do it all! Just one more interesting fact: Women only make 70% of what men make (or in your case, could make) out in the working force... that means it is more profitable for your husband to work instead of you, and you guys could get out of your financial trouble sooner rather then later, or maybe never, with you working for the wages that you are making. |
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