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Replies to '09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups'
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September 9, 2005, 11:24 am PDT
 Quote From: momakababe socialization from nature (hardwired) or nurturing (taught behaviors)? I wouldn't discount either as being "bull" but rather I believe both would play a part. I believe we're certainly hardwired for a great deal of our personality but I also believe the influences around us can have a huge effect on who we are & how we behave. A child of abuse may very well continue the pattern in their adult life & yet they may not & I believe that's part of the "hardwiring" but for the children that do repeat the behavior if they hadn't been influenced by abuse in their life, regardless of the hard wiring, there would be no abuse influence to repeat. So yes it's hardwiring but the influence (IMO) still has to be there. A person can be born shy, or some people can be taught through ridicule to become shy. I've fraternal twins & while they're both friendly & outgoing 1 is that much MORE outgoing. Among even identical twins where they have the exact same "hardwiring" there will still be differences in personality & while we have the same parental influences as they grown up the influences change with different friends & schools etc. I believe that's part of their personality development.
I think it becomes a problem when a child is unable to be social with their own group because they are going to miss their childhood. Intellegually smart or not I think we're all intitled to each different phase of our life & all that it should bring with it.
I think to say that someone is simply hardwired is to wash our hands of being able to give them the skills to be a positive part of society. I don't believe there is a mold we all need to fit but social skills I believe are important. This isn't only for the children who are shy but for the agressors in school who may have their behavior explained away as "That's just their way & it's hardwiring". We can & should teach kindness & to have emptahy for others. This would help cut back on a LOT of the misery of the kids in all levels of school. just my opinion of course. There are certainly environmental factors, but the example Dr. Phil gave is not one that falls into that class. Most of the very intelligent people I know have been disfunctional socially not out of shyness or abuse, but because they just plain do not relate to people in the same way most people do. They either have difficulty reading social cues (hardwired) or have no interests in common. Having no interests in common is less of a problem for them than it is for the people they're trying to mesh with. More commeraderie is found with other eccentrics--people who don't EXPECT others to necessarily share their interests. |
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