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Replies to '09/14 Season Premiere: 1,000 Women!'

raeberry

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September 12, 2005, 4:41 pm PDT

09/14 Season Premiere

Quote From: mclarke51

I am 57 and had a nagging, controlling mother. I was 17 5'2" and weighted 115 lbs and she took me to weight doctors. I took shots, pills and eventually discovered in my early twenties that you could eat all you want and throw up. This was before Bulimic even had a name. I thought I had discovered the greatest diet in the world. I also abused laxatives. This activity lasted more than 20 years. I know I am lucky to be alive today.I was alway a very pretty woman. I dated a lot and was into lots of different things like scuba diving, aerobatics, camping and fishing. I had a great personality and loved to make people laugh. When My mother died in 96 , I felt like I finally became an adult. I learned from her and my father( who she controlled as well) that unless you were thin you were not lovable. I was an only child. It was not until I was around 40 that I realized at 155lbs that the fact that I was molested at 10 by a girlfriend father had a lot to do with my weight. From about 26 to 34 I was quite the looker. I worked for a newspaper in my early twentys and the photograpers loved to take pictures of me. I must have weighed 118 maybe. I would never let them use the pictures because I saw my self as fat.When I married my second husband I gained it and more and at 37 when my son was born I blossomed even more. My highest weight was 200. Now I am no longer bulimic. Thanks to many years of counseling. And it pretty much stopped when she died. I have been told it was the only thing no one could control but me. I now go to curves and have just recently joined weight watchers. I have lost about 14 lbs so far. Some weeks I loose and some weeks I gain some back, but it is all about learning to eat healthy and stay at it. If I mess up I just start it again. But I don't hear the little voice saying eat it all , its ok you can just throw up. I heard that for a long long long time. and now I am free. I have been working on a book about my life which I am calling " A Butterfly in a Jar, a love story". It talks about how I have learned to love myself even with the weight. My mother has been gone for almost 10 years, and my father about 3. I am just now beginning to have good dreams about her. I know that they loved me, in there own way and only wanted me to be my best. But my life may have traveled a very different road, if my self esteem was not always the way I saw myself in a mirror. I want to loose the weight now finally because of health issues and I want to be able to go hiking and scuba diving with out worry of a heart attack. Most people do not think I am as old as I am but I am still quite the character. I truly believe in most peoples weight problems it has a lot to do with control or abuse. And believe me lots of men find heavy women very attractive. I hope someday to help others with my book.

Keep up the good work. Good luck with your book. You are an amazing woman.

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