Replies to '06/04 In-Laws’ Dirty Secrets Exposed'

Good God girl.... get yourself to a good counselor that you can relate to..  There is too much in your life to handle this alone..." You can't change what you don't acknowledge".. and to help anyone else... you must think of yourself first.......They have Clinics in most large cities that take people on a sliding scale as to what you can afford but for God's sake, reach out to someone professional and the only thing we really have in life is ourselves... we add people but the main one is YOU... Call someone right now and make an appointment.....I wish you well.

Such a terrible story. 

 

This is your first step and I am sure it will be easier for you to talk about it.  Gosh.  Sorry for your grandmother, too bad if she cannot handle the truth.  If she dies in court, rest in peace! 

 

You must go to court.  You owe this to yourself, to your brother, and other brothers, and your family owe you all big time!  They must go to jail.  Simple as this.  You have hurt so much and for so long that it's not fair to anybody.  Those men are most likely raping other people, and they don't deserve to be free. 

 

You didn't have (and don't have) to put up with the husband.  Divorce him.  Don't even think about it. 

 

Good luck and I will definitely keep you in my prayers. 

 

I hope Dr. Phil will do something about this, everybody deserves a second chance in life. 

Such a terrible story. 

 

This is your first step and I am sure it will be easier for you to talk about it.  Gosh.  Sorry for your grandmother, too bad if she cannot handle the truth.  If she dies in court, rest in peace! 

 

You must go to court.  You owe this to yourself, to your brother, and other brothers, and your family owe you all big time!  They must go to jail.  Simple as this.  You have hurt so much and for so long that it's not fair to anybody.  Those men are most likely raping other people, and they don't deserve to be free. 

 

You didn't have (and don't have) to put up with the husband.  Divorce him.  Don't even think about it. 

 

Good luck and I will definitely keep you in my prayers. 

 

I hope Dr. Phil will do something about this, everybody deserves a second chance in life. 

Hi there!  Sounds like you're feeling pretty alone and overwhemed to say the least!  I don't know what is available in the US, but here in New Zealand, there are women's centres where you can talk to someone for free to get advice on all kinds of issues.  Some of these issues are on dealing with rape, self-esteem, how to get legal help and so on.  If you are able to find someone who can give you the support and direction you need, you will find that a lot of the despair you feel is lifted.  Having someone to share a burden and give direction makes a difference.  You are carrying the reponsibility of your mum's feelings (and health), but it is wearing you out.  You also sound like you feel guilty about things you are not actually responsible for.  Sometimes you have to do the right thing (which is speak out!), because if you don't you will always regret it.  Look at how this is making you feel now, knowing that your brother has been in prison for so long, but not saying anything for fear of your mum.  Get help and don't give up!  You have only one life, so make it your best!  Good luck!

I had a friend...whom was abused by their paternal grandfather.  It was set in from the get go this friend was not to break her Great Grandmother's heart and say a word.  If they did it was for attention and somehow her mind was broken if she couldn't stand to share space with the abuser.  She believed them and the great grandmother died.   She did decide to tell her father, and the next day she told her mother that she no longer cared to be around this grandfather.  Her mother told her through actions that's the last you'll see of me.  This was 12 years ago, my friend lost so much with her truth...but when you fight for what is truly right, it's very easy to keep such things from 95 year old women.   Expect loss of family and friends, during these 37 years those abusers have remained unknown.  My friend still keeps her secret about her grandfather and can only hope she's  not allowing him to abuse others.  He's in his 70's by now....I just want to hug you and talk.. my friend knew she was right all along, and better than her past.  Worth a gentleman and nothing but.  People find their equals, you've not done that yet.

I have to say that i agree with the statement of another viewer and y'all may not like what i have to say, but dear god it needs to be said.

"give your head a shake lady"

If you have had proof, all these years that your brother is innocent of the crime he has been charge, convicted, and serving hard time for in a prison..what is the matter with you that you would not right that wrong quick fast and in one helluva hurry!!!

No way would my brother ever sit in a prison cell if i had the means to get him out, prove his innocence and assist in his freedom.

I understand being scared, messed up and the like but goodness woman!! there is no way you can convince the general public that no one would listen. Not when you have so many places to go to for help. Write your govenor again, write the president, vice president, copy the letter and mail it to every lawyer, defence attorney, appelate attorney, public official or whatever you have to do. This story sounds unbelievably horrible, my problem is it sounds mostly unbelievable..

Not because of you personally, but because you have waited 5 decades (ya look great for that timeline to be true by the way) allowed a sibling that's innocent to sit in jail..oh wait, prison for 37 years (times are off there) and then please understand, that as a woman who has been abused as a child..i'm only 29 now but i have a great memory and cannot remember it all..and if this happened as babies and toddlers, how much do you truly remember and how much has been imagined and blown out of the realms of possibility as well. Not calling you a liar hun, but stating hard truths.

The part of you being beaten daily by your husband is truly sad, heartbreaking and all that, but come on, did you really, seriously think that you'd never have to have sex or take off your clothes?? I have a hard time with this one, and if what you say is true about your grandmother, hun..the woman is 96, she has one foot in the grave so to speak already, and you are worried about her "feelings" ??

if what you are trying to tell us has any truth to it at all..then here's whatcha do..

1. write and mail the letters to as many people as you can afford to buy stamps for.

2. get some seriously good professional help.

3. divorce the loser

4. pay a visit to gramma and tell her you're saving your brother which you should have done long ago and let her know so she can decide what she wants to do as well if you're concerned. If she is as evil as you've made her out to be then she can handle this..its been a long time commin.

P.S. i hope to god you have at least visited this poor soul you call a brother while he's been rotting away in prison.

 

          

             First and Foremost I would just like to tell Jwiz512,That what you are doing today is all that matters,it must have very difficult for you to manage to compile as much as you could of very extreme Abusive childhood into 1 meezely Paragraph,where it must have been almost impossible to get out all that you wanted to,as for me,and this is not to take it off you,but to even emphasize the fact that I understand your frustrations,and I am feeling such strong emphathy for you,my point here is that for me to tell everyone about my abusive childhood and how today I am a Survivor of being raped and molested as a child,and I know i could personally write a book or 2 on all that I had to endure growing up!The 1 Thing That I learned Not all that long ago either is That Predators and Molestors ,Like the ones we had to endure,it's through there threats of hurting us or even a closer family member if we were to talk about it,as well,as we have empowered our abusers Through Our Silence.I can't believe that we are living in the year(s) 2006-2007 and STILL Today,Abuse of all shapes and forms Continues in almost every other household,whether it be verbal abuse like some of dr.Phils Viewers who responded very Cold-Heartedly,without thinking thier thoughts out before they even spoke them not thinking or realizing that it has taken you 5 decades to just compose enough from the life you have had to endure,to say what you felt at the time to be enough to get heard,and I will pray for you that Dr.Phil is able to read this and can offer you some help.

 I can't for the life of me Imagine that  someone could really believe that a person has nothing better to do and is willing to expose thier True Identity to being exposed on National Televison to be heard and get whatever help,that could possibly be offered to them.I may not know your entire story and it would be extremely hard to tell here online when your limited to a certain number of words,so you are asked to keep it brief,so how can one possibly understand completely the extent of your pain if they have not walked a mile in your shoes.The same would apply to How do you know or believe that there is a higher power than ourselves ,is there A GOD,if you can see him,even though we have bibles and books that clearly state that there is a God,If a Tree Falls in the Forest does it make a sound,How do you know if you are not there to see it?These are just some examples of what I am trying to say about some of these Ignorant readers who are heartless,cold cruel,and truely did not think through what they were about to say to you,without thinking it through,or re-read what they wrote before they clicked send.here after 5 decades and such trauma you and your brothers went through as children,you should be comforted and rewarded,even if its only through self talk,and praiseing yourself for finally breaking that circle of silence thatkeeps that tight hold on our lives and to the point where its hard to Trust  anyone with such Fragile Information,Look at what you had to endure in like You stated during your FIRST marriage and the loosing of your children,because of the guilt and shame you were made to feel at the hands of your husband.Also as Victims,we have a tendancy to attract other abusive people into our lives,its as if we have an invinsible sign rapped around our neck or a invinsible sticker stuck to our head that Reads I am a Victim  Please come nd Abuse me more.Pay no Attention to those other Dr.Phil Viewers,who Have said Nasty things to you or called you a Liar,They should be Ashamed of themselves,they should have asked themselves Is this how Dr.phil would have talked to you,I personally think Not,as He is a Strong,Assertive yet very Compassionate man from all of his books that I have Read as well,as I watch him everyday,and thats not how he appears to me.

I believe that you have come a long way,and I'm pretty sure that this hasn't been the first attempt at reaching out for help,but I think you shouldn't quit and i would suggest that you pursue speaking to Dr.Phil,as well as show him you are also trying,by trying to find a womans clinic in your area that will help you to find the proper kind of councelling that you need,There are many free clinics,if you do like the other viewer suggested by contacting social services and tell them you need to speak with a Physcologist or even a Phyciatrist,to begin the process of healing.I think that its very sad that in todays society and it really doesnt matter where you live,but that Abuse is still something that we are brought up to not talk about,and its responses like the few you were left where If I had any control,over this web site,Those specific individuals and you know who you are,I wont mention your nicknames,as its not up to me,to determine if what you said to this lady who after many of years finally tried to come out and speak up,and you may have even sent this Victim many many steps backwards instead of encouraging her to continue to go forward and do the right things,it wont be easy,but just know that every step you take,you will have people like myself to turn to and talk with whenever nessasary.I strongly Feel That the producers of this web site should really look into what you had to say and the replies you recieved and the certain few should be banished from here.I believe in freedom of speech but I also believe there are limitations to what should be said.Many people from all parts of the world come here for help,not to be critisized,judged,or condemed for why they are here asking for help,tht in itself takes lot of courge and I commend you for all you efforts and I will pray that Dr.Phil reads your post himself,and that he is able to guide you in the right paths.

 So,PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP-it Took so much for you to come forward.I also Believe That Money as sad as it is determines who will listen and who won't,and I am referring to the legal aspect of what you mentioned in regards to your brother.I only know that he has been in prison for 37 years,and you feel guilty for this,that if maybe you hd come out sooner with this that he may have either been released or have recieved a leaner sentence,but I don't know the Crime he committed,or if he deserves to be where he is or not! However,if the information about the abuse you endured as children would atleast get him an appeal based on some new evidence,thatwill atleast help him with a physcological assesment,and maybe even an overturn of the original sentence.I can't tell you anything is 100% but,if you feel this strongly that if you were to come forward that it may help,than continue to believe in the positive aspects of this,and continue with your journey,Think Positively from here on out ,Know that you were a victim here,and as you recover,and begin to understand that you have no reason to feel guilty about something you had absolutely No control in,and those whether it was Immediate Family or Not,They should still be held accountable,and their is power in Numbers,so try to get your other siblings to come forward with what took place when you were children an how it impacted your lives,the choises you made,and the overall Impact it has taken on each of your lives,I have listened to your story and I believe in you,I know how hard this is for you,and I know others will continue to listen also.what I do Understand that because it was your own Family that has hurt you so badly,but to you and me and many other victims of abuse,we are made to feel guilty that somehow if i was a better child,if I just did what I was told,if I was prettier,or stronger they wouldn't have done this to us,But the bottom line is that they are and will still be your family,but you need to let all that stinking thinking go once and for all,and finally move forward,I wont lie I am still struggling everyday,however,I am not able to FORGET but I FORGAVE them so that I could become a better person,a better wife, a better Mother to my children,and If I could do it,You Can to,Let the old ways go once and for all,be strong,dont take no for an answer,be assertive and begin to live in Today,Not Yesterday,and Not Tomorrow,Say the serenity prayer every morning when you open your eyes,and Thank your higher powerGod,if thats who it is,for helping you get through another day.Unfortunately i want to keep writing to you,I strongly feel you need to feel heard,but you can reply to what i said or if you just need someone to talk with in the meantime Ok,I will B here for you both spiritually and emotionally!my fingertips are freezing,I am diabetic and pregnant ,I know this what they call a high risk and stress isnt the best,but I am doing everything I should be,I know my Limits,even though I may push them at times,Keep me updated if you can,Sincerely your New Distant Friend,from Ontario Canada here,God  be with you.I will try to be here for you whenever you need someone. Please EXCUSE any Misspellings I have made as again I am diabetic and my hands are very cold and i need to raise my Blood-sugars.Take care in the meantime

I am ashamed of the responses you have received.  No one has the right to judge you based on this small amount of information.  It shows their ignorance that they can't even see that if you were trying to get on the program, there is direct access to send that to the show.  I wish you the best.  Hang in there and try to remember people love to prejudge others.

I have read this, and the replies, one question....why are you more concerned with the perpetrators feelings than with your brothers justice?

 

I was molested as a child, gang raped if you will, and it caused a plethora of mental problems, just read yesterdays post.  I am now 40 and if I could get my hands on the perpetrators of these acts, you can bet your bottom dollar that THEY would suffer, not an innocent.