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Replies to 'Pornography'
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November 12, 2006, 6:42 am PST
 Quote From: kimikomine There is such a thing as jealousy in marriages, you know? I know, I was definately feeling out of sorts when it looked like he had everything going for him, porn, sex, good food, friends, money, social ties, family, material gains, and it pissed me off. But I think I was mad that he was managing his life and mine seemed to be going down the tubes!!! I spent what I see now as way too much time on this or better yet, allowed it to keep me down and helpless. But now I am mad and mad is good.......because I am ready to stop living holding onto what other people do and more focus is now on me and how I can affect our world and my life. His porn use is pretty trivial if you think about it.
Its how everything else is too. I would give him another chance. I mean you are not going to be going anywhere immediately, right? So, just wait and see. If he is still into it, you will soon find out, right? Maybe that is it. Maybe it's jealousy, I don't know right now. I just know this ALL hit me like a train. I can't help but look back and look at now and wonder if I have actually wasted this much time waiting on someone who was never going to show up. Does that make any sense? There's so much history, I couldn't even begin to tell you all of it. I also can't begin to forget it all, yet. I am going to work on me for awhile. I know that's what I need and it's time that I do things for myself. I have LET this happen to me. I don't mean I have let him look at porn or whatever, but I mean I have not stood my ground many times when I should have. And now that is what I am going to do. If I want to leave, I am going to leave. If I want to stay, I am going to stay. I just haven't made up my mind yet. Someone posted "don't make any major decisions right now, because you are hurt". Thank goodness for that post or I would've walked away that day!! I can't make rash decisions right now, this is going to take time.
And just in case no one has told you, you seem to be a great person. I know people don't hear that often enoug. I read your posts and think - one day, I hope I am there, where you are at this point in your life. Anyways, sometimes people just need to hear that, so there you go. Thank you so much! |
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