Replies to 'Asperger's Syndrome'

I am a Mother of a 14 year old with Asperger Syndrome. He fully responds to rules when they are written and understood beforehand.  Most of the frustrations our kids seem to have is understanding the why of having to do things.  Time is not important to them and talking endlessly and begging and yelling does not get the job done.  I've tried it all.  The University of Chapel Hill in North Carolina sponsors a wonderful non-profit group called TEACCH.  They have some great workshops for parents and teachers but you can also access help on their website.  Google it  and see.  I have learned a great deal about handling issues due to their approach.  One thing I would encourage you to do is pinpoint the problem areas.  It is usually during "transitioning" like getting ready for bed, getting ready to leave, getting up in the morning, etc.  If these seem to be the trouble spots then sit down and break the task into 1, 2, 3's write it down and ask him to check off each task done within a time frame to begin and end.  It may sound extremely elementary but it is extremely effective (at least for us it was).  Arguments are reduced - he is happy because he knows what to do and when and how to do it.  Be sure and set up a reward system for tasks completed - can be something small but that is also very important.  Good Luck.  Our son handles the transitions much, much better now and feels in control of himself. 

Hi Mena..I'm Glennis and the mother of a 20 yr old daughter with Aspergers.  I think the advise given on the previous reply to your message is very very good..and true.  From a practical standpoint, it addresses some of his needs for stucture and guidance (taking the confusion of some decision-making off of his shoulders, therefore greatlyyyyy reducing his anxiety).  Whatever your son's issues are, we all function at a higher level with calm around us.

 

That's really what tugged at my heart for you when I read your post..your OWN anxiety.  It seemed to jump out and scream for help.  It's an awful feeling to feel helpless and INeffective while you're trying to help your child.  Try if you can to find ways to reduce your own stress; it's catchy!  One way is simply accepting him as he is, then learning real ways to help him and yourself.  If someone in authority insisted you climb the Empire State Building ..and do it now!!...or some other 'task' completely beyond your ability to comprehend, you'd say 'NO WAY!!!'..and as that 'command' was repeated over and over, you'd get frustrated and angry because absolutely NO ONE seemed to understand.  Maybe that's your son; and maybe it's all of us parents to some degree trying to do the best we can.   Just grant your son the same rights to his frustrations that you, yourself, feel, and maybe that tiny seed will blossom into a greater understanding of his needs and yours so that you can SEE the light that IS at the end of the tunnel. 

 

I sure don't intend to be 'preachy', but sometimes that first step is as simple as acceptance.  We all want to be accepted for who we are; and with that, feel that we are precious to those around us.  Aspergers has NO EXCLUSIVE CLAIM on that desire..

 

So take a deep breath..find the commonalities with your son..hug the dickens out of him...and tool yourself up with as much knowledge of his individual needs as possible.  

 

The very best of luck to you Mena..