Replies to 'Empty Nest Blues'
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November 16, 2006, 11:21 am PST
 Quote From: prettykit1 Hi there well I would like some others imput on what and how I'm thinking.....My husband and I have been toghter now for over 8 yrs and over the 8 yrs him and my son from a previous marriage never got along..So over this time all they did was fight or didn't talk to each other alot of tension was in the air so my son turn 16 last dec and said he wanted to move with his father, which doesn't live close to me,, the only way to get there is to fly, anyhow so I said fine if thats what you want but as I told him I would be very hurt and sad thats he's leaving me...So feb he moved to his fathers a month goes by and I couldn't handle the seperation and talked alot to my husband about it ,to find out my husband told me my son wasn't able to come back into our house weather for a visit or to live so I said fine and we seperated and I moved to live with my son and his father, yes the x-husband let me stay there with the two of them and we became friends again it was nice and got to see and be with my son, well over this time I was talking with my husband and he kept asking me to come back, so over the 5 months I was gone I did see everything was good with my son and he was happy and yes I'm sure alot of that was cause he had dad and mom living in the same house even though it was just friends...But as time went on and talking to my husband he told me he missed me and loved me and was willing to acept my son for visits and to live there I decided ok I would come back to him, so I did and all is great he's good about talking about my son no making faces when my son's name is used he's totally different now about it all and is great to me, we both love each other sooo much but I've been back with him for 1 month and I want to go back and be with my son cause I miss him so much but I want my husband aswell, I love him alot and I know he loves me with all his heart aswell, the other thing is I cant find work since I've been back and where my son is I can find work easy.....So my question is..do I stay with the man of my dreams and hope I find work and let my son be with his dad, and be happy with 1 visit a yr cause I can't afford any more then that and hope when my husband and son see each other for the first time since my son moved out that all is good or leave him and go be with my son that I miss..?????????????Please help me see the light some where some how.....People tell me I'm crazy that I should enjoy being just husband and myself and enjoy life now but as for my son he's my only child and its not easy losing your only baby.. Prettykit Of course it isn’t easy to lose your baby! This is your flesh and blood, and your son is only a kid once. Think about that. Time flies by so fast, and you will never get back this time that you don’t spend with him- not ever. Once it is gone, it is gone. If you choose to live with your husband- the man you say is the “man of your dreams..” then he (your husband) should be considering your needs in life, too- the main one being having a stable, loving relationship with your son. I am wondering what characteristics your husband has that make you say he is the ‘man of your dreams.’ Because your son is the most important person in your life, it seems that it would only be natural that the ‘man of your dreams’ would accept your son unconditionally. What are the basis of his complaints regarding your son? Why can’t your son live with you? Just from what you have shared here on the message board, and drawing from my own personal experience from being a mother, my advice to you is to be with your son. If you don’t, you will regret it for the rest of your life- because like I said, you can’t ever get this time back. Also, if you stay with your fiance, and you only see your son once a year, your son is going to end up feeling like you CHOSE to not be with him, and he might internalize that as meaning that there is something wrong with him, that he is not worthy of your love or your time, and he will suffer from low self esteem. So, please thoroughly consider this decision! |
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