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Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'
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November 20, 2006, 8:48 pm PST
 Quote From: pearlygirl I know how you feel I was MOLESTED by my mom's brother. It continued to happen for 5 or 6 years. I finally hit rock bottom when my own husband raped me. When this accured it made me remember everything that happen to me when I was growing up. I started to seek couslening immediatley. I did that for about 3 years, that prepared me to divorce my husband cause of the abuse that occurred. But it made me a stronger person, I don't let it control my life. It never goes away. I tried to press charges on him I was 28 yrs. old and they told me the stuate of limitations were up and that there was nothing they could do to him. He has never spent one day in jail and to come find out he has done it to several of the cousins in my family. Since it was family they all swept it under the rug and just let it continue. Once they start they never stop, so now that is my fear is that he is out there hurting other people. He has a daughter that is married and has 4 children now and I don't doubt for a minute that he did it to his own daughter and to his grandchildren, but it' s family and nothing ever get's done about it. His wife turns her head and says it doesn't happen but she married him when she was 15 and he was up in his 20ies at the time. So it is a cycle it never goes away so regardless of who it is always tell and get the help that you need so that way it don't consume your life. I had a boyfriend who moved in with me the very night of our first date. We continued living together for over 2 1/2 yrs. He would leave and stay gone 2-3 days out of every month. I would cry and drink myself into oblivion because of it. When he arrived back home he almost always wanted to have sex with me. He and I would literally get into a struggle because I would not let him have me after he had been gone and had slept around.
He would rape me and laugh at me after he was done like it was a big joke. I felt very violated because he did not give me any choice in the matter. It was all about him. I always felt empty and dirty. He would hop into the shower get dress and go back out again. It took me right back to when I was a 5 years old girl who had not been given a chance even then to choose if I wanted to be violate, in such a way that took my innocence and my selfworth.
I found myself in a rocking back and forth motion with my arms crossed over me and rubbing and patting my back. With gentle cries and whimper sounds, so soothing, and telling that little girl inside me that it will be alright. I love you and no one is ever going to hurt you that way again. I continued until I felt at peace for the first time come over be. My mind, body and soul was filled with complete sorenity. This is when I truly got the strength to stop sabotaging myself and finally broke it off with the guy I was dating and stayed out of the dating field for 4 years until I found the right man whom I married that makes my life complete.
torn between
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