Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

I do a ritual to help me release my anger.   

1st, I write everything down I'm feeling - every thought, feeling, hurt, pain, whatever on paper.  At first, it was hard for me to do. Now, it comes pretty easy. 

2nd, then I go outside (if the weather is nice) and sit and talk to GOD.  If there's a park nearby or a place where I find in nature that soothes me is the best place to go (and that's my own backyard). 

3rd, I read the letter to GOD - I ask GOD for help in dealing with these emotions and letting them go. 

4th, I then rip up the letter.  Because I write mine on the kids writing paper which is made of that cheap paper, I burn it and as it burns, I release it to GOD. 

5th, I put a post-it note on my bathroom mirror reminding me that I gave it to GOD. 

6th, for the next couple of days, when those emotions & feelings pop up again, I remind myself that I have given it up to GOD.  It usually takes me time ... 

Lastly, I do MER as found in SELF MATTERS. 

I've been doing this ritual for over 13 years - it works.  When I have shared it with 2 friends, it worked for them too.  THEN guess what!  In FEARLESS LIVING, Rhonda Britten shares her RELEASING RITUAL which is so much like mine.   

Give it a try - it's something different than going around in circles with your thoughts. It allows you to break out of the SAMENESS. 

Been there, done that.  I also had to finally accept and acknowledge my anger, which I did in a letter to him (he couldn't care less how I feel), I keep this letter for myself and re read when I feel he is once again trying to manipulate me.  We are currently going through a divorce.  Write down your truths about the demise of the relationship, about your anger in what he has done or not done.  Accept your part/mistakes that lead to this (whether it be too trusting, not communicating your feelings, or doing these things but not putting foot down that he should acknowledge these things that were bothering you and fix them, not sure if that makes any sense), and change/grow to who you want to be.  It takes two to make a relationship and two to mess it up.  Accept your porition and leave the rest to him.  Acknowlege your anger towards his actions or whatever, accept mistakes you may have made.  Change and grow yourself, you cannot change him no matter how much you would like to, and may not get any sort of acknowledgement from him on what he did wrong.  My h was also full of lies and deception and an excellent manipulator, I will not let him manipulate me any longer.  So I have acknowledged my truths and left him with his in my letter.  He can deal with his truths however he wants to, he may not ever acknowledge them, but for me to go forward I have acknowleged my truths, I am acknowledging and letting go of past anger and will not in the future let myself be treated that way again.  Hope this makes some sense to you.     

I was probably in major denial, don't like to think that. But hey, if I was I was. No longer though.     

"Rationalization may be defined as self-deception by reasoning."        

Here is what I live by now.     

"I am that person who commands quality, inspires respect, and settles for nothing less than active and abiding love."     

Take care.     

You are being heard.  He has found the right button to Shaft you.  Some men still in this day and age do not believe that women are all that important, and refuse to take any responsibility for any of their actions. 

You are however the only person who controls your switches, but You are allowing him to control them.  You are giving him your power and You have got to take it back.  When you say that you know that 'you cannot control him, etc. , it sounds as if you want to.  If you have a place where you can go for a walk and just chew him out - that would be a step.  But Dear Lady - Please, Please take back your power - he ain't worth it. 

Be mindful that yes life does stink at times and also use common sense and remember that the lies are probably going to keep coming for a while yet - that's life.  And remember this message board is here for just the purpose you want. 

                                                           Rog 

You know,  I have been divorced for almost 5 years now, and the anger isn't gone.   It is amazing, as even though I do not think much about my ex, even though we share two children, I cannot allow him to run my life any more.  I cannot afford to give him free rent in my head.   

We went through an Alternative Dispute Resolution Evaluation about a year after the divorce, maybe closer to two years, and in it the evaluator recognized that I had successfully disengaged from the relationship.  I know that his manipulations and his lies keep him angry.  He has not shown any desire to accept his part in our relationship's death.  There has been only anger from him and bitterness.  I wonder how hard that must be to live that way.   

When we learn to let go of our anger, it does not mean the other party has to or will accept it.   Take pride in accepting your part, yet take on no more than that.  He will have to do with it what he does, as you stated-you cannot control that.   

I let it be known very calmly that I was accepting my part in things, and that they are things I will continue to work on, just not with him.  Let him know you love yourself and have more self respect than to allow his behaviors to control your emotions.   

I slip my hand into yours and am saying I am willing to jump over this one with you!  I send you strength, loving thoughts and a smile of pride in the empowerment you have chosen. 

Teri