Quote From: fotomonkeyI am worried that I may be a rude family member. It's sort of a long story but here are the main points. My husband and I have been married for 4 and a half years. Before my husbands father past away, we spend nearly ever Sunday with "Dad" (my father-in-law), his mother (grandma), and my husband's brother. My husband's family lives a little over an hour away, so we would meet at a point in between. During those two years, my mother-in-law never once came to Sunday dinner with us. I have always felt out of place around my Mother-in-law. It doesn't help that her house is a health hazard. That is a very strong statement, but let me explain... She has a dog and two cats. The litter is not kept clean, and the dog goes where ever she wants. The house literally smells like urine. One of the cats have some trouble a year or so ago and was throwing up on everything (table, chairs, etc.); it was never cleaned up. She just cover it up with sheets and table cloths. The kitchen and bathrooms are even worse.
All of that said, I don't really like my mother-in-law. She is not a bad person, but the state of her home and her lack of interest in us before our daughter was born has made for a bad start. I really have no respect for her at all. I don't want my dislike for her to effect how my daughter sees her Grandma. Also I wish that my husband could understand why I don't want to take my 1 year old daughter into her house. By the way, we are going to her house for Thanksgiving dinner. That was decided without my knowledge. If anyone has any ideas of how best to deal with this please help!
No you are not rude you are looking out for the best interests of your children as all parents should. If I was you I would consider looking into your and your husband to band togeter and look into your mother in law and see if she needs help because she doesn't seem able to care for her envoirment and that can mean too her eating and health can be effected horriably.
Is your husband aware her home is a health hazard? Is he aware she could have a metal illness such as dementia that can lead to Alzheimer's? If she is showing signs of thouse diseases Have your son come with her to the doctor to have her tested. If she doesn't have it
contact the local agency on aging first to see if they can get her some free house keeping.
If she does have Alzheimers I would with your husband look into for her a assited living facilty like a Senior apartments some where she will have everything done for her.
